Day 21: Eating my emotions

I was stressed this afternoon...not having heard from JA, worrying about roommate relations, overwhelmed with my room in disarray and no energy to fix it, etc.  So, instead of stopping after my cucumbers and fruit, I ate more later.  At least I stopped when I did.  And I tried under-the-bed therapy. That and Janice got me through.  So blessed.  And the stake fireside about the temple tonight was wonderful.  The perfect way to commemorate my having gone for the first time to receive my endowments 12 years ago!


Today:
S: 6 hours?
W: 130.6
E: n/a
5:00 cucumbers with vinegar and sesame seeds, pear slices, a few grapes
6:15 samosa wrap, 2 bananas, walnuts, peanut butter and honey on a tortilla.

Day 20: Healing

I went hiking this morning with my friend, Emily, and her little family.  It was wonderful to be out in the woods and just to be.  The kids were hilarious, and it was just a good place to be.  I don't necessarily feel broken right now, but nature and children and friends are healing for me.

I don't necessarily feel broken physically, either, but I feel so much better when I eat to live.

Today:
S: almost 6 hours
E: hiking, essentrics l/b
8:00 banana, walnuts
2:00 spring mix, onions, mushrooms, tomatoes, cilantro, chili, a banana
3:30 chips and hummus
4:00 grapes

Day 19: What are you sacrificing for?

My friend Taylor posted the following on fb the other day:  "I feel like there are things we say we want and things we actually want.  You can tell which is which by what you're sacrificing for."

Sometimes I do things that don't back up what I say I want.  I'm trying to be more fiel to my intentions and my deepest desires.

Today:
S: 5 hours
W: 131.4
E: 50 minutes of walking to and from football game,
7:15 banana, walnuts
12:00 spring mix, mushrooms, fiesta mix, grapes
3:15 grapes
5:00 samosa wrap, banana

Day 18: Decision to try

I don't love this picture as much as some I've seen, but I do love the message.

I've told my students this story recently:  When I was in 5th grade, I struggled with fractions.  Up to that point, I can't remember anything being difficult for  me, academically speaking.  And I thought that if you weren't naturally good at something, it wasn't meant to be.  Eventually I learned to look at math differently, and to try new ways of doing it.

Trying and practicing make all the difference.  In academics, in eating habits, and in relationships.  I'm doing better at trying.

Today:
S: 6.5
W: 132.4
E: essentrics l/b
7:15 pineapple
12:00 spinach, spring mix, fiesta mix, banana
3:15 grapes, banana, walnuts
4:15 chips and hummus with Beth

Day 17: Blessed.

I don't know if it was on purpose or not (I wouldn't put it past Marisa to make sure that I had veg-friendly food if she knows about my eating habits) but I was able to eat the food that they had at the PTC dinner.  And I LOVE collaborating with parents.  And I REALLY love that the kids are taking ownership of their learning through these learning goals that we're setting. Miss K. just set her learning goal today to learn about France and do a presentation.  Don't worry, she's been using her ipod this afternoon to download language apps and learn French words so that she can prepare for it.  And she told her mom that she needs a beret to wear for it, too.  So fun!

Today:
S: 6 hours
W: 133.8
E: essentrics a/a, 35 minute walk with Beth
7am peaches (are they what me hicieron mal hoy?)
12:00 spinach, onions, mushrooms, tomatoes, chili, pineapple
2:30 nuts and raisins
5:00 lettuce, black beans and cilantro, spanish rice

Day 16: Not worth it.

So last night I had my little Monday binge, and honestly, the things I ate weren't that great (they were fine, but not fantastic).  I didn't feel terrible, but I didn't feel great, and I gained 4.4 lbs. Totally not worth it.

Amy says (and I've heard it before) that you should only weigh once a week because you fluctuate so much.  I definitely fluctuate during a day (weighed 3 lbs more this evening clothed than this morning not), but without fail, every day that I really eat to live, the next day I've either stayed the same or gone down.  Not much fluctuation at all, and the fluctuation is in the direction I want! :)

I just need to stick to the plan, and all will be well.

Today:
S: 4.5 plus nap
W: 135.8
E: 40 minute walk with Beth, essentrics l/b
7:00 peaches
12:00 spring mix, tomatoes, chili, mushrooms, onions, grapes
4:40 grapes

 

Day 15: Manic Monday binge

Weighed in at my lowest yet. Almost down to my high school weight. But I am already
smaller than I was...size 6 and 4 instead of 10 s and 12 s. I didn't stick to my 3 meals rule, but I have a feeling that I'm going to make it down to below 130 by the end of the month! Hooray for progress!

Today:
S: 6 hours?
E: essentrics a/a, 30 minute walk with Beth
W: 131.4
7:30 banana with walnuts
12:00 normal salad and grapes
4:00 grapes
6:00 left over spaghetti, African pineapple kale soup, grapes, almond milk
8:30 strawberries, chips and salsa
9:30 chips and hummus, a few bites of peach

Days 11, 12, 13, and 14.

I've been in Boise visiting John this weekend, and didn't have internet, but I did type up a post each day, so here they are, including today's:

9/20/12

Day 11: He prepareth the way for them.

            I used to be so shy, so wary of drawing attention to myself in any way.  I still don’t love attention, but I’ve learned to be comfortable being different.  It’s one of the many perks of being plant-based.  I’ve had to be upfront about what I do, and sometimes why.

            I’m in Boise for the weekend to see JA.  I’m staying with Whitney and her family.  When I unloaded my cooler of food into the miraculously empty crisper (so bendicida!), Whitney’s sister-in-law asked me what my diet was.  I said that it was Eat to Live and that it prevents and reverses diabetes, and I’m doing it to try to not get it. (Whitney laughed at that partJ)  Her sister-in-law, Sarah, said that she needs to do that.  And she loved the peach she ate (don’t worry, I brought almost a full box to share…compensation of some sort for having the strange veggie eating girl come stay!)  Dios siempre nos provee la manera de cumplir con lo que nos manda! Siempre!

Today:

S: 5.5

W: 134.8

E: essentrics l/b

7:30 peaches

12:00 usual salad, banana

4:00 banana and walnuts

5 ish a few grapes

9/21/12

Day 12:  Good people           

I spent the day in bed…well, almost.  I got up at 9 and studied and showered, the worked on thesis work for 2.5 hours, took a nap for an hour, then worked for another 3.5 hours. Whitney’s family has been so good…just letting me work, but always so kind and giving when I leave my Amish yellow haven.  I didn’t know what the plan was for tonight.  JA picked me up at 6.  I’d figured we’d probably eat, and thought maybe at a restaurant, where there have been very few times when I haven’t been able to find something approximating ETL.  But we went to his home, where his mother (who was gone to a Scout Meeting, so I didn’t get to meet her) had made a huge bowl of bean and veggie salad for dinner because JA had told her that I don’t eat meat, milk, or eggs.  How blessed can I be?  I’ve heard stories about people who are criticized or mocked or estranged because of going vegan.  Whenever I’ve told people about the way I eat, they may not agree with what I do, but they have ALWAYS been supportive.  So blessed with good people in my life. 

Today:

S: 8

W: ?

E: essentrics a/a

10:00 2 peaches

2:00 spinach, spring mix, tomatoes, mushrooms, onions, chili, banana, walnuts

6:30 bean salad, rice, juice, bread

9/22/12

Day 13: Couldn’t be happier.

I had such a great day with John today.  His parents are wonderful and his mom has been nothing if not accommodating for my Eat to Liveness.  En serio, estoy tan feliz.  The end.  

Today:

S: 6 hours

W: ?

E: essentrics l/b

10:00 cereal, raspberries, raisins

3:00 2 pieces of toast, tomatoes, cucumbers, pear/peaches

8:00 veggie enchiladas, spaghetti squash, a roll, peaches, melon

9/21/12

Day 14:  We all have to find our own balance.

S: 6 hours

W: ?

E: n/a

8:00 banana and walnuts

11:00 veggie enchiladas and fruit

2:30 chips, bean salad, salsa, spaghetti squash, fruit

Today Sister Anderson asked what my motivation was for eating vegetarian.  I told her, and she and Brother Anderson talked about some people they'd known who were cured from cancer through different nutritional things.  I think they think I'm a little crazy, but they've been so good, and so welcoming and kind.  After that conversation, I was already thinking, "Maybe I'll do plant-based at home, and as much as possible in public, and do the at least 90% ETL plan after October 22nd."  Then I read HH's blog tonight.  She said we all have to find our own balance.  I'm pretty sure she wouldn't condone non-veganism as part of that balance, but it's true that we need to find our own balance.  I think mine will be like Mother's: Mostly plant-based, but with a little meat and dairy.  I don't want to go to Chile or to people's homes and offend them.  I want to go talk to the Bybee's and ask them how they work it. And decide with my own family how we want to do it.   I do know that I want to be predominantly plant-based and have the "very little meat" be a very little!

Day 10: Walking Alone

I love spending time with family and friends, and was so glad that I got to tonight, as Amy headed up a party to celebrate Hermione Granger's b-day (I wish that some fictional characters were real!) I'm learning (late, like usual) that one doesn't have to be a carbon copy of someone to be friends!  I'm used to not eating the same things, or spending my time the same way that others do.  And I'm fine (more than) with that (most of the time...I do want more time to play!).

This weekend will be interesting.  I'm going to stay with Whitney's family and probably spend a lot of time with John's family, too.  I don't want to cause problems, but I don't want to eat SAD foods either.  Just gotta keep walking alone, I guess!

Today:
S: 5 hours
W: 135.8
E: 20 minute run (up the hill!), essentrics a/a
7:15 2 peaches
12:00 spring mix, tomatoes, mushrooms, chili, banana
4:00 grapes

(And, yes, I know that my screen shot caught the arrow on the photo from fb!)

Day 9: Viva Chile y la libertad!

I am still not sure what I'll do long term about eating meat and dairy.  It's going to be tough to travel (Chile, Europe, etc.) as a vegan, and I don't like telling people who cook for me that I don't eat what they cook. But I do know that the vast majority of the time I will be Eating to Live,  and for the rest of my life.  Dr. Fuhrman's 90% rule sounds good, and I know that the Bybees aren't straight vegan all the time.  La libertad viene en hacer lo que el Espiritu nos dice, y se que debo estar comiendo para vivir para siempre!

Today:
S: 5 hours
W: 135.8 (Mire que no subi 10 kilos como pensaba! :)
E: 25 minute walk with Beth, essentrics l/b
7:00 banana
12:00 Cafe Rio veggie salad
5:00 3 bananas and 1/2 my African Pineapple Soup
10:00 mote con huesillo

Day 8: Patience

When I was trying to think of a theme this morning, I thought of "patience," thinking patience in losing.  But after a good day, and then eating when I wasn't hungry, I guess it's more about patience with myself.  One day, one meal, even one binge is not going to kill me.  I didn't need it, no, and I didn't even particularly want it, but it's done. And I can move on and do better again tomorrow.  As mi querido Presidente Tanner said "Paciencia, paciencia, paciencia con nosotros mismos."  I felt that about school today too.  Yes, they're asking us to do a lot.  But it doesn't mean that we have to perfect at it tomorrow.  We just keep trying and we never give up.   Todo saldra bien!

Today:
S: 6.5 hours
W: 133.8
E: 35 minute walk with Beth, essentrics a/a
7:00 bowl of pears
12:00 spring mix, tomatoes, cilantro, chili, banana
4:00 grapes
8:00 chips and salsa, peaches, Pineapple Peanut soup.

Day 7: Restraint

We had regional conference today, and it was great.  Sister Oaks talked a little bit about being single, which inspired me to go read her book. I started it years ago and picked up this afternoon where I had left off.  One of the things that hit me from my reading today was her quoting President Packer as saying "The Devil does not practice restraint."  And my guess is that if he doesn't, we should.

I was in the mood to eat something sweet and fatty...thinking peanut butter popcorn, but the answer to both "Do you need it?" and "Do you really even want it?"  was "no," so I practiced restraint, and didn't do it.  I am getting better at controlling my addictions, regardless of my weight patterns.  I gained a little bit from yesterday, but I'm feeling good, and I'm not worried.  Part of today's talk/reading was about timing.  I'm going to stick to ETL as much as I can, and if I don't reach my goal by September 30, or by conference, that's okay.  I'm doing better at living what I know, and todo saldra bien!

Today:
S: 6 hours
W: 133.8
E: walk to and from S's house, pm yoga
12:30 spring mix, tomatoes, mushrooms, onions, chili, sliced pears, banana and walnuts
4:00 banana and walnuts

Day 6: Gratitude

I am just so grateful today.  Grateful to be healthy and strong, and to be getting healthier and stronger every day.  Grateful for a day of less scheduledness.  Grateful to my God for SO MANY BLESSINGS...my knowledge of and love from and for Him, my family, friends, work, studies, health, the beautiful earth, TEMPLES, fe, LOVE, etc, etc, etc.  I keep thinking that I couldn't be more blessed.  Life isn't perfect, but it's so good.  But He keeps surprising me with more blessings, opportunities, and LOVE.

Today:
S: 7 hours
W: 133.4
E: 30 minute hike on the Shoreline Trail, 1 hour walk with Beth, essentrics l/b
12:30 Cafe Rio veggie salad with extra guacamole and pico de gallo, a banana

Day 5: Enduring

During our meeting on Wednesday, Ramona said that people who get PhDs are not any smarter than anyone else, they just endure.  Regardless of whether or not I decide to sign up for that kind of enduring someday, today was an enduring day.  I was tired, and overwhelmed, and ate 2 bagels when i didn't need either.  But it all turned out okay.  I didn't give in and do India Palace or Cafe Rio when I wasn't hungry, as an I-might-as-well-because-I've-already-made-a-mistake-binge.  And I have exercised for at least 50 minutes every day this week!!  We'll just keep on goin'!

Today:
S: almost 5 hours
W: 134.2
E: 35 minute walk with Beth, essentrics a/a
6:30 bowl of pears
12:00 spring mix, mushrooms, tomatoes, onions, chili, banana
1:40 banana, pumpkin bagel
2:15 ish cinnamon raisin bagel
3:00 grapes

Day 4: Vision

I love waking up with a scripture in my head!  SO blessed.  Today it was "Where there is no vision, the people perish" Proverbs 29:18.  In the past, when I've gotten down to around 135, I have always binged and gone back up.  But I have a vision of what I need to be.  And I will NOT binge this time.  I love that Beth is on board, too.  I can be plant-based solo, (or maybe not as well as I thought!) but it's so much easier to stay on track when someone else is doing it, too.

I have to say that walking and running and essentrics are right up my alley when it comes to exercise.  I am feeling so strong and so good! And my body getting stronger gives me a vision of what can be, of what is coming as I do my part.

And tonight I was tempted to go to bed without doing essentrics, but I knew that I had to stick with the plan and I did them anyway.  Glad I did.

Today:
S: 6.75 hours
W: 135
E: 35 minute walk with Beth, essentrics l/b
7:00 bowl of fresh pears...so yummy!
12:20 spring mix, onions, tomatoes, mushrooms, cilantro, chili, banana
3:40 rest of salad (didn't have enough time to finish it at lunch), grapes

Day 3: Accept personal responsibility

I've been reading the Relief Society book Daughters in my Kingdom.  I love it!  I'm not going very fast, but I try to read a little bit every day (except on days where I'm reading something else gospel related besides the Book of Mormon, which I read every day).  Today I read a little bit about becoming self reliant.  One of my favorite side boxes said  "Accept personal responsibility for health, education, employment, finances, food, and other life-sustaining necessities."

I am accepting personal responsibility for my health by eating to live, and by exercising!  I've done cardio every day this week! :)

Today:
S: 6 hours
W: 136
E: 20+ minute run, essentrics a/a
7:00 bowl of fresh peaches.
12:00 Cafe Rio veggie salad (bless Beth's heart for getting one for me yesterday!) and a banana
3:45 grapes

Day 2: Doubt not, fear not.

Today is 9/11.  11 years ago I was at BYU-Idaho.  I found out about the attacks on the twin towers when I got to the elementary school where I was doing a practicum.  I didn't realize the full implications of what had happened then, and still don't, really.  I do know that we drew together as a school (Elder Bednar's calm and faithful "keep going" message and singing the only closing hymn at a devotional that I've ever known of "Come, Come Ye Saints" were life-changing) and as a nation.  May we ever remember those who have died, and live our lives to honor our God, regardless of the situation.

I woke up with Doctrine and Covenants 6:36 in my head this morning.  I was applying it to doing school and thesis things, but it applies so well to 9/11 events, and to what I'm trying to do by going totally plant-based.  I know that this is what I'm supposed to do right now (La Cassie me dijo que me veo delgadisima del lado).  I just need to keep going, not giving in to binging when I'm close to cutting through my plateau, not doubting or fearing.

Today:
S: 6 hours
W: 137.8
E: 30+ minute walk/run with Beth, essentrics l/b
6:45 2 pears (from our own tree! Delicious!:)
12:15  spring mix, onions, tomatoes, cilantro, mushrooms, chili
3:45 banana, grapes

Day 1: Be a Pioneer.

"You don't have to push a handcart, leave your family dear, or walk a thousand miles or more to be a pioneer.  You do have to have great courage, faith to conquer fear, and work with might for a cause that's right to be a pioneer!"

I've been thinking about being a pioneer...in thesis, in school (don't worry, Elder Holland raised the bar again yesterday...it's going to get harder, and teaching is harder than it's ever been), etc.  I just need to plow in (LOVE my Presidente Tanner) and keep going, sticking to my convictions.  I can have faith to conquer fear, as I move forward in might for a cause that's right.  And one of those is being totally plant-based and ETL for 6 weeks.  Today was day 1. Tomorrow I'm going to cut down on gum.

Today:
S: 7 hours
W: 138.6
E: 24-35 minute run/walk, essentrics a/a
7:30 two fresh peaches, sliced
12:00 spring mix, grape tomatoes, chopped onions, cilantro, mushrooms, chili
4:00 banana (and lots of gum!)

Committing.

Today was crazy busy, but good overall.  One of my favorite parts was listening to the CES fireside by Elder Holland.  He is amazing.  And I am SO BLESSED to know that we have living prophets NOW. One of the things that he said was that we can NEVER check our religion at the door.  Any door.

I know that being plant-based, and eating to live is not a religion, but I do feel like I was led to it by divine inspiration, and that it helps me draw nearer to God when I do it (NOT saying that people who eat other things are not spiritual...this way of eating just helps me feel more in tune), so I need to be committed to it.  I was debating eating borscht at J and J's house, as well as sampling Beth's biscuits, but after the talk, I decided that I wasn't going to check my commitment to eat to live at the door either, so I didn't give in to dairy or meat juice (I smell like meat after having spent time at their house :(.  I did eat lots of chips and salsa.

But tomorrow is the beginning of 6 weeks of real ETL. We'll see where it takes me.  October 22 will be my 6 week mark, and is when Taylor's new album will be released...maybe with the Ronan song on it. I stand up for loved ones present, future, and departed.

Today:
S: 6 hours
W: 138.4
E: n/a
5:00 grapes, tomatoes, rice, spicy green beans, mango salsa and corn chips at Amy F's bridal shower
6:00 three bananas, a tortilla with peanut butter and honey, a cup of soy milk
7:00 cucumbers, tomatoes, and onions with basalmic vinegar, chips and Montano's delicious salsa.

What I believe enough to DO.

I follow several blogs that are plant-based or vegetarian.  One of them is peasandthankyou.com .  Sarah has a great take on life, and I love that she shares her faith (and her recipes!) with all of us.  Her most recent post is about friendship and french fries.  She's helping raise money for an organization to help orphans with Down Syndrome and other health issues and disabilities.  Her friend Kim helps with some of the orphanages involved.

I love what Sarah says about Kim:  "Through her you see that it's not just what you believe that counts, it's what you believe ENOUGH TO DO.  Even when it's hard."

Last night, Amy shared Taylor Swift's latest song.  It made us cry.  It's dedicated to a little 4 year old boy, Ronan, who passed away from cancer, and is co-written by Taylor and his mother.  It's heart-wrenching.  All of Taylor's income from this song will be donated to cancer research. (Don't worry, I've already bought it.) At one point, the little banner at the bottom said "Tell us who you stand up for."
And I realized, for the millionth time, that this plant-based phase of mine can't be just for a little while.  I stand up for those suffering from preventable diseases, and for my own health and for that of my family every time I make a choice to eat to live. I'm still not sure that I will be 100% plant-based for the rest of my life.  But I DO believe enough to make it my lifestyle forever.

Today:
S: 8 plus
W: 140.8
E: yard work, pm yoga
10:45 granola with soy milk
3:00 spring mix, spinach, tomatoes, mushrooms, palta, chili, banana
5:00 fresh garden tomatoes!, 3 peaches (didn't give in to peanut butter and tortillas).

"It just takes some time...

Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride. Everything, everything will be just fine, everything, everything will be alright, alright."

I love that song from Jimmy Eat World.  It just takes some time.  Teaching is crazy this year.  We have new teams, a new core, new essentials, new schedules, new programs, new assessments.  All this with new kids and ostensibly 8-4 workdays and lives to live.

So I came home and binged today.  But it was all plant-based.  And tomorrow is another day. And I am blessed.

Today:
S: 5 hours
E: n/a
7:30 two delicious fresh peaches!
11:25 chips and salsa
12:00 chips and salsa
12:15 hummus, carrots, and grapes
2:00-3:30 chips and salsa
6:00 jamba juice...carrot, banana, etc.
8:00 2 tortillas with peanut butter and honey, hummus and carrots, granola and soy milk
9:00 granola and soy milk.

Saying no.

Thought about eating granola post-temple shift, but didn't, because I wasn't hungry.  But I'm eating hummus tomorrow.  And probably granola, too.   :)

Today:
S: 6 hours
W: 138.2
E: essentrics l/b
12:00 spring mix, spinach, tomatoes, mushrooms, palta, chili
2:30 banana
10:00 herbal tea

3 hours of sleep...is never enough.

Unless you have already slept for 6 or more and are taking a 3 hour nap.  This would not be one of those times.  I stayed up until 4 am reading, like the book addict that I am.  I get to spend time with JA tonight, and have temple tomorrow...I'm gonna crash Friday night, for sure!  The good news is, that I haven't let the cansansia turn into a binge excuse!

Today:
S: 3 hours
E: pm yoga
12:15 salad mix from Amy, spinach, tomatoes, mushrooms, chili
5:00 banana
6:30 banana, tortilla with peanut butter and honey.

It's all in your head.

Really, anything I do or don't do comes down to what is going on in my head.  I'm totally psyching myself out about JA.  Obviously him not calling means that he hates me and never wants to see me again.  Right.

But I did GREAT on food today.  And I'm going to do essentrics before I go to bed, because I can.  And I'm smiling.  Because I can choose to do that, too.

Today:

W: 143.8

S: 6.5

E: essentrics a/a

11:00 small cup of peaches with pineapple juice

4:00 2 oranges

9:00 couple of large pieces of pineapple

10:30 bites of beans and salad

Catch up...can wait.

So I'm procrastinating writing down all that I ate this weekend (did okay until today!), just like I'm procrastinating really eating sanely.  I REALLY stink at moderation.  The end.

Today:
S: at least 7 hours
E: ha!
10:00 fried potatoes, green smoothie, roll with peanut butter and honey
11:00 roll
4:30 veggie cafe rio salad...lots of veggies and deliciousness.
5:30  ate 3 milkshakes with Beth.  Not a good plan.
8:00 1/3 of a pizza, 3-4 macadamia nut cookies.