Leap Day!

Today was a once in a life-time, I mean a once-in-a-4-year-time, opportunity!  Eating-wise I did really well until after class, then stress-ate.  Cassy's plane was delayed and I ate instead of sleeping.  I still might get in an hour's nap before going to get her, but the food eaten is a done deal.

In other news, I finally messaged the good, good-looking Irish boy who spoke so impressively in Stake Conference last fall.  Figured it was appropriate to put myself out there a little bit for an Irishman on Leap Day.  He messaged me back and added me as a facebook friend!  I messaged him de vuelta...vamos a ver.  It would be a cute way to start a story!  And if nothing else, at least that much can make it into the Coldside Chronicles.

Today:

W: 139

E: essentrics a/a, l/b

B: bit of green smoothie

L: rest of green smoothie
S: banana, tomatoes

D: brown rice, dal, oranges (left my container on campus:()

S: banana, lots of nuts and raisins, can of chili with corn chips

Simplicity.

Some day I want my life to be simple.  I'm pretty sure that that is never going to happen, but I'm glad that I can choose simplicity in some forms.  I purposely avoid some things that are pretty normal, but that I feel  are unnecessary, and/or would complicate things.  Things like the latest and greatest in TV, tablets, clothes, hair styles, etc.  And boys.  I avoid them too.
But I love my way of eating.  It is a choice.  One that I make every day, with varying degrees of success (ate PB popcorn tonight).  And maybe people think that I'm crazy, but they love me anyway, and I'm doing what I feel is best for me.  As someone's shared fb inspirational quote said:  You can be who you really are.
I'm trying to be who I really am.  It's that simple.

W: 136.8
E: pm yoga
B: walnuts and banana
L: brown rice, rajma masala, 1/2 green smoothie
D: banana, salad with chili and palta
S: walnuts and raisins
S: pb popcorn, few orange slices.

HOPE.

So, I'm in the market for a new car.  Mine died on the way back from Ben and Erin's reception in December, and I finally sold it a couple of weeks ago. Beth and Amy have been more than generous in giving me rides whenever and wherever I need them.  Saturday Wesley did my taxes for me, and my return is more than I thought it would be, so I'm looking for a car sooner than anticipated.  I called Father today with info on one, and he suggested that I keep shopping.  I'm hoping to find a good one, low mileage, and at a decent price.

I ate to live today and I did essentrics this morning.  It feels so good.  I weighed less today than I did yesterday in spite of all the pasta sostanza.  And I'm getting meals ready for tomorrow.  I'm hopeful that as I keep trying and keep working at this that it will come easier (saying "no, thanks" is becoming a normal and comfortable part of social situations and I'm hoping that the ability to say no to myself about over-eating and junk food will become the norm too.) and that I'll see even more fruits of my labors and decisions as I move forward.

I watched the last episode of Downton Abbey tonight with Beth.  Apparently, we missed a CRUCIAL episode, and things ended MUCH more satisfactorily than at the end of the episode we THOUGHT was the last.  It helped me HOPE.  Somewhere out there is someone for me.  He won't be perfect, anymore than I am, but he will fit in my life as mesclada and complex and as straight-forward and simple as my life is sometimes.  We won't agree on everything, but we'll agree on the most important things, and we'll agree to work things out and figure things out together.  I feel more hopeful and full of faith about that than I have in a while.  Todo saldra bien.

Today's nurturing:
W: 138.2
E: essentrics a/a, pm yoga
B: walnuts and a banana
L: pasta sostanza and 2 cups green smoothie
D: salad with chili, banana, raisins, 1 quart green smoothie.

I know exactly what I'm choosing.

Today in Sunday school, Amy said something that made me think twice...actually, I've thought of it several times since class.  She said something along the lines of "The beauty of the gospel is that we can choose what we want to do.  And with the knowledge that we have, we know exactly what we're choosing."  The part about knowing exactly what we're choosing was the part that hit me.  I often choose to stay up too late, or eat too much, or get distracted.  And I know exactly what I'm choosing.  It's time to CHOOSE better things!

Today:
W: 139.4
L: banana/walnuts
S: pear, 2 bananas
D: LOTS of pasta sostanza, salad, banana

Masquerade!

So, I've said it ten times if I've said it once, but people really don't notice or care what everyone else is eating.  Jenna and Barlow threw a fantastic masquerade party tonight, and of course had fabulous food.  I did ETL (well, minus the pb popcorn:) without any problem, and no one cared that I didn't have sauce with my fondue food.

W: 143.2
E: pm yoga
B: n/a
L: banana, walnuts
D: carrots, broccoli, banana slices, orange slices, pineapple, few chunks of sour dough bread, some peanut butter popcorn

Too tired.

Good day.  Long day.  Full of friends after school day.  Too tired!

Today:
141.6
pm yoga
little green smoothie
green smoothie
bindi aloo, rice, banana, nuts, raisins, hummus, carrots, chips, peanut butter pocorn.

Easy? I laugh in the face of easy! Ha ha ha ha!

Had a meeting with Stefinee today.  Yikes.  So much work to do.  I honestly get myself into the biggest messes (i.e. grad school!) sometimes.  WHY do I have to do things the hard way?

For instance, working towards feeling my best doesn't really happen when I stress eat 2-3 times a week!

In other news, my chicken Addy died last night.  Poor Meryl is on her own and doesn't seem to quite know what to do with herself!

W: 137.8
E: essentrics a/a (was going to sleep in today, but woke up and realized I'd rather exercise than not!) pm yoga
B: banana and walnuts
L: green smoothie (banana and peaches.)
D: banana, brown rice, aloo gobi
S: granola bar, 2 cans of chili, corn chips, 3 pieces of bread with peanut butter and honey.

Push the boundaries and be extraordinary.

The other day my friend Sheri posted about her elementary school PE teacher who had passed away.  Sheri said "She was amazing-she taught us, even as kids, to push the boundaries and be extraordinary."

I feel like I'm the epitome of mediocrity these days.  Well, maybe not that bad, but I feel like I'm barely getting by some days...so much to do.  There are days, though, when I can't get over how blessed I am, because I realize that I'm surrounded by miracles...babies, mission calls, (Laura is going to the same mission that Josh did, years ago!) improvements in health, etc.  And I don't know about extraordinary, but I'm definitely pushing my own boundaries with the things I'm doing.

Today was great.  I didn't overeat.  I only ate tonight because I was hoping it would help with my semi-headache, not because I was hungry.  AND I think I did well on my presentation in class.  Life is good.

Today:
W: 140.4
E: pm yoga
B: hot water and lemon
L: green smoothie (spinach, strawberries, banana, soymilk, agave, spices)
D: homemade pasta sostanza, walnuts, banana
S: rice, rajma masala, banana

Me arrepiento?

Estoy leyendo un libro que se trata de un joven que perdio su hermana.  Todo el libro el esta buscandola a ella.  Al final lo que pasa es que ella fue tropezido por un auto, y los que chocaron con ella no supieron que hacer, asique, escondieron su cuerpo. Mientras esta buscando a su hermana, el hermano descubre un hombre que de verdad esta matando a ninas jovenes.  Es un libro triste y obscuro pero con esperanza y perserveranza tambien....cosas que necisito yo.  Y lo lei mientras comia un bol entero de palomitos de maiz con mantequilla de mani.  Y en vez de hacer mi tarea.   A veces me pregunto que me tiene que pasar para que no repita los mismos errores yo.  Siempre estoy poniendo a un lado las cosas de la universidad.  A veces es por un buen proposito, a veces no.  En los ultimos momentos estaba terminada con sub plans para que me pudiera quedar en casa manana y regolonearme un poco (no me senti bien hoy dia) y terminar con la tarea, y justo me di cuenta de que tengo que hacer algo con mis ninos como parte de la tarea, y no puedo faltar!  Yikes!!!

Como puedo realmente arrepentirme de tratar mi cuerpo malo y de procrastinar????  No se!!!

Hoy:
Peso: 137.2 (pero lei de una mujer hoy dia que come crudo...casi nada cocido, y tiene mi altura y bajo hasta las 120....si pudiera arrepentirme suficientemente, a lo mejor podria bajar esta cantidad tambien!)
Ejercicio:  essentrics a/a, pm yoga
Desayuno:  green smoothie
Almuerzo:  green smoothie
S: platano con mantequilla de mani
D: platano, puttenesca, frijoles, maiz, tomates, palomitas de maiz.

Listen.

I did a better job of listening to my body today.  I got 8 hours of sleep last night.  I took a nap today instead of eating when I was tired, not hungry.  I didn't eat until I was hungry (at about 6pm....I really did eat so much last night!) and I was able to go for a short run and do essentrics.  LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, how I feel when I do what I know I should.

How I took care of my body today:
(Weight: 139.6)
Sleep: 2am-10pm plus nap.
Exercise: 13 minute run, essentrics, pm yoga
Breakfast/Lunch: water...wasn't ready for food yet.
Dinner: banana, spinach and spring mix with corn, black beans, tomatoes, cilantro and spices.
Snack: little bit of green smoothie (making them for tomorrow)

Epic binge.

A few days I was thinking about writing about how sometimes going backwards makes us realize how important it is for us to go forward...um yeah.  I think that I have to have that realization on a weekly basis.  I overate tonight as if I wasn't going to eat for a month!!  I don't know if it was the hormones (I started my period today, which partially explains the binges on Monday, Wednesday, and tonight) or the emotions (I really am happy for my 21 year old cousin to be married and having a baby, I just want to be married and having a baby too!), but I really went all out.

Today's #s:

W: 137.2?  I think

E: pm yoga

B and L: ayuno

S: few bites of pasta, banana

D: pasta sostanza, puttenesca, and .5 million graham crackers.

S: clementines, peanut butter popcorn, more pasta.

YUCK.  

Changing...one thing at a time.

I like the blog mnmlist.com.  I just discovered it yesterday.  One post includes these words: "You can't change your entire life.  You can only change your next action."

I vacillated mightily between going and not going to the Muhlesteins' Valentine's Day Ball tonight.  In the end, I didn't go.  I texted people to let them know that I wasn't going, and Mariel said "Thanks for having the courage to say no," or something parecida.  It is ridiculously hard for me to say no, but I did it today.  I  was able to go to Dennis' baptism without worrying, and I was able to get all of my non-presentation reading done for this week.  I'm glad that we have Monday off of school, and that Tuesday is a homework-designated day.  I'm choosing to make my actions include homework! :)

Me today:
W: 137.8
E: 10 minutes of jumprope, essentrics arms and abs
B: banana and walnuts
L: romaine with berries and cinnamon almonds (and in all reality, probably sugar too), brown rice with rajma masala
D: green smoothie (yes, I'm giving in...I love the way they taste and the way they make me feel, and I figure that I'm getting way more fiber than the vast majority of SAD Americans, so I'm going to keep doing smoothies from time to time) with spinach, strawberries, banana, soy milk, cloves and cinnamon (didn't realize til just now that I didn't put agave in it...didn't miss it at all!), and a can of beans.  Was pretty full, but not too bad.  Yummy nutritarian food=life is good.

Being me.

I've been reading blogs on minimalism and people who live plant-based.  I learn so much from other people and am continually amazed at what others are thinking and doing.  One of the minimalist blogs I read tonight had a post containing 35 things this man hopes that his kids will say about him.  Number 26 was, "He didn't let culture dictate his beliefs."

Missy invited me to go to an RTI conference in Vegas (conveniently the same weekend as John Block's wedding!) and when I told Beth about it, I mentioned the amazing sushi bar that Amy F. and I went to while we were there, and how it would be hard to eat right while I was there.  She suggested that maybe I could take a break.  I told her that I can't, that I've committed, and she said "Maybe you should be committed."

I remember living with Emily and just wearing myself out senselessly.  She told me that I'm amazing, and that I just needed to let myself be.   I haven't always been true to me, and I'm still in the process of figuring out who I am, and who I'm meant to be, but I'm getting better at being me.

Some things that are essential in helping me be me: scripture study, prayer, conference talks, running (went tonight, and oh, how I need to do it regularly...it helps me mentally, physically, and spiritually), stretching (essentrics, yoga, etc.) and eating to live.


W: 139.4
E: 13 minute 1.25 mileish run, essentrics l/b, pm yoga
B: banana and nuts
L: dal and rice, channa masala and rice, orange
D: spring mix, spinach, black beans, corn, tomatoes, spices (cumin, chili, garlic, and onion powders), and a delicious pear from my dear friend Val!

Live what you know.

Easier said than done.  But it never ceases to amaze me how good I feel when I live according to the light I have, spiritually or physically.

Today I ate to live.  I did 10 minutes of cardio.  I did a/a essentrics.  And I FEEL SO GOOD!  So simple, and yet, so effective.  I feel so blessed to have been lead to these things.

Also, I've been sticking to my budget plan, which feels good too.  All bills are paid up until next pay day, the savings account is growing, and I'm learning to be more disciplined in my spending.  Even when I'm not saving up for a lawn and a car, I want to be more disciplined in my spending.  I often (not as often as I used to, but still happens) buy things that I don't even really want, just because I can.  I think that I can do more good, and value the things that I do decide to get/keep by having a plan and sticking to it.

My conference talk today was by Elder Ardern about planning!

Today's stats:
W: 142.6
E: 10 minutes jump roping, a/a essentrics, pm yoga
B: hot water and lemon
L: dal, jasmine rice, orange
D: spinach, spring mix, beans, palta, tomatoes, banana.

That's it.  No midnight binges.  No snacking.  No drama.  LOVE it!

The courage to start. Again.

I wanted to eat cookies at the Grand Opening tonight (Mariel is going to the Milwaukee, Wisconsin mission, and Ammon is going to the Chicago, Illinois mission!!! Love them both and am so excited for them!) but didn't.

Instead, I came home and made an entire batch of peanut butter and honey popcorn, and a bowl of channa masala and rice.  Great way to show that you're in charge and to take some me time...by overeating.

I think I've kind of given up in a way.  I told Beth today that I decided I'm not going to worry about getting down to Dr. Fuhrman's recommended weight while I'm in grad school, because I'm going to keep stress eating.  However, as much as I want to sometimes, quitting is not an option (and quitting grad school is so much more tempting than to stop eating vegan).  The reason why I started eating this way was to be healthier, not skinnier.  And even if I can stay skinny on my current binge binge, it's not healthy, and it doesn't make me feel good.  I knew it was a bad idea, but I did it anyway.

I have a book about running called The Courage to Start.  I need to have the courage to start Eating to Live.  Again.  And to do it for real this time.  To take the time to do essentrics and either jump-rope or run each day.  And to get enough sleep.

Today's stats:
W: 141.2
E: pm yoga
B: banana and nuts
L: green smoothie
S: nuts and raisins
D: hummus and carrots, dal and rice, 2 bags of trail mix
S: bowl of pb and h popcorn, bowl of channa masala and dal.

Happy Love Day!

Here's my V-day secret: I'm in love with plant-based eating. (As usual, my secret is not so secret!)

Beth went her 6 weeks of eating to live (and lost 20 pounds doing it!) and has decided to have a cheat week before going vegan for another 6 weeks.   She had cheesecake and cake on Sunday, pizza yesterday, and lamb tikka masala tonight.  She's not feeling very well (upset stomach, etc.), says she's not as much a carnivore as she used to be (didn't love her lamb as much as she thought she would) and says she might not make it a week without going back to being vegan.  I know I feel so much better on a plant-based diet.

In other news, I was getting peaches from our deep freeze for my smoothie for tomorrow and had to dig through J and J's piles of meat.  Gross.  I used to love meat, and I still love many people who love meat, (as in all the omnivores I loved before...my eating preferences haven't  changed my people preferences). However, I'm pretty sure I'm done with it.  Forever.  I know for sure that I'll go until October 17th, because it was my goal to try vegetarian living for a year.  Occasionally, I think about eating meat again after that, but without fail, whenever I think about going back to meat, I hear another cancer, heart-disease, diabetes, or stroke story.  I would rather eat my plants and know that I'm doing what I can (although not all of it...need to get more regular exercise, especially cardio, in) to prevent and reverse disease.

Today's stats:
W: 141.2
E: 1.5 hours of ice-skating/helping small children ice-skate, pm yoga
B: n/a...trying to let my body recover
L: brown rice, dal, 2 oranges
S: raisins and walnuts
D: rice, channa masala
S: banana, few nuts and raisins, and a bit of tomorrow's green smoothie...I'm sorry, I'm going to keep doing green smoothies!

Love...it's what's for dinner?

So I obviously didn't eat beef for dinner.  And supposedly love is in the air.  So maybe I ingested some love with my salad, hummus and carrots.  Or with my fhe-after-party-watch-the-last-2-episodes-of-Downton Abbey-with-Beth binge.  However, I wasn't the one loving my body.  I'm not opposed to "junk" food (if my sugar-free vegan food can be qualified as such), but when I'm not eating mindfully, when I'm not present, it's not very loving.  It's like walking out on a conversation instead of paying attention.  I need to pay attention.

Today's stats:
W: 137.8
E: essentrics a/a, pm yoga
B: walnuts and banana
L: brown rice, dal, 2 oranges
D: spinach, spring mix, canned tomatoes, walnuts, raisins, hummus with carrots.
S: peanut butter/honey popcorn, bananas, hummus and chips...lots of both.

Repentance

So part of repenting is to not do it again.  This is a hard thing for me right now...I keep overeating, and obviously that doesn't make me feel better, or help me be closer to the Spirit.  Sometimes when I overeat, I just keep eating and eating because I've already stuffed myself, obviously I'm a lost cause and should just keep going!  Tonight I did NOT eat hummus and chips after Jesse's b-day party.  So the binge wasn't as bad as it could have been.


Today's stats:
W: 139.2
E: am/pm yoga
B/L: fasting
D: nuts, raisins, chickpeas, bananas, 3 kinds of nutritarian Indian food, raspberries, strawberries.

Figuring things out...

So things I'm hearing from different sources, a.k.a. multiple witnesses, are telling me that it's time to make some serious changes.  Here are a few of the things that have got me thinking:

In a little clip about farmers that K sent me, Paul Harvey talks about why God invented farmers: people who would be willing to get up at 4, work hard, not cut corners, and plow a straight row.

Amy said that I won't be done with my thesis until December because I play too much...watching Downton, etc.

My dream about running.

Thought from Love's Kitchen about becoming what he's supposed to be. 

And watching the movie The Vow tonight with Beth and Amy.  The girl loses her memory and has to learn who she is again.  

Wanting to create.  Seeing Sony's motto:  make.believe

And this picture:

I've been thinking about who I am, and what I'm supposed to be.  It's more than I think it is, and harder than I want.  It's uncomfortable and not totally clear.  But there are a few things that I do know that I need to work on or change.

Spiritual:  Begin the day with God (scripture study, prayer, etc.) and seek to serve, feel and follow throughout the day.

Physical:  Get enough sleep.  Run.  Do essentrics daily.  Do ETL for real.  Be present for all of these.

Mental: Be a writing farm girl.  You've done hard things.  You can do this.  But only if you do it, work at it, etc.  Decide you will, and do it.

Yes, I'm writing my story. But all good writers have multiple drafts, have to figure things out as they go.

I'm figuring things out as I go.

Today's stats:
W: 141.4
E: pm yoga
B: 2 pieces of bread with peanut butter and honey
L/D: spinach, spring mix, canned tomatoes, raisins, walnuts, balsamic vinegar; dal.

I dream of running.

I ate to compensate for consansia today.  The good news is that I also had a nap, during which I had a dream about running.  It was like a high school running club, and there were lots of things besides running going on, not all of them good, but there were lots of kinds of people running too.  I need to be active in my running again.  My knee has been hurting today going up and down stairs (maybe I pushed it too hard trying to get to campus asap on Wednesday?) but I feel like I need to run again.

Today's stats:
W:138.6
E: pm yoga
B: walnuts and banana
L: dal, rice and an orange
S: pineapple and grapes
D: leftover IP, several slices of bread with pb and honey, hummus and carrots, a banana or 2.
S: beans and corn chips

Favorite day of the week...

I love Thursdays.  Class is over, and the next one is just peaking over the horizon, not looming over me. I'm happier with my kids, and life in general.  I stayed at school until after our Science Fair/Service Project and was fairly unproductive until the activity started.  And by fairly unproductive, I mean that I only did 5 of the 50 million that need to be done in the next 6 months.  Beth, Amy and I went to dinner at India Palace, and I didn't feel even remotely guilty about not doing homework instead.  LOVE me a Thursday!

Today's stats:
W: 138.6
E: pm yoga
B: banana and walnuts
L: spring mix, spinach, Val's perfect gift of tomatoes, red and green peppers, green onion, cucumber and lemon...it tasted like summer!, and beans and an apple.
D: Bindi Aloo :) and a banana.

Zero overeating, sir!

So the last few weeks I've been prone to overeating.  I don't believe in starving oneself, food is essential! But I was eating more than I needed or even wanted.  Delay tactic, stress-relief, etc...it wasn't really helping.  Wednesday nights are especially bad usually.  I teach all day, then go to campus and sit through another almost four hours of class.  I've been known to eat to stay awake.
I don't know what was different about today.  Maybe it was because I'd biked to campus and was feeling good from that.  Maybe it was because I didn't have a plan to binge on hummus.  Whatever the reason, I didn't overeat today! :)

Today's stats:
W: 138.8
E: pm yoga
B: banana and walnuts
L: lettuce mix, spinach, palta, beans, tomatoes, apple
S: bread with peanut butter and honey
D: rice, dal, orange

Choices.

I was so proud of Beth tonight.  Her 6 week mark of going meatless is on Sunday and she's had some serious cravings for it.  We went to Ikea tonight with John, Jesse, and Mathis, and Beth sure wanted to get some meatballs there!  But she resisted temptation and choose to eat salad and soup instead.  She's lost 20 pounds since the beginning of January!  Go Bethie!!!

I choose to do homework while we were at Ikea (not the whole time, but I carried my reading around with me and when I had a minute, I'd read!) and so I'm nearer to being done with homework than I would have been otherwise.  I haven't made good time-usage choices this past week, but I'm doing better.

It's like Dumbledore said: "It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."  Speaking of Harry Potter and choices, apparently Daniel Radcliffe filmed some of the HP scenes while drunk!!! The audacity to work like that, and to do an important work like that is appalling.  But it also makes me think of my sleep-deprived state and how driving tired can be as bad as driving drunk....while I've never touched alcohol, I've been in a drunken stupor at work before too.  Need to do better...more choices! :)

Today's stats:
W: 138.4
E: ess l/b, walking around Ikea:), pm yoga
B: banana and walnuts
L: rice, dal, banana, orange
D: lettuce mix, spinach, tomatoes, beans, part of a palta, piece of bread with pb (yucky, non-natural kind!) and honey
S: veggie tomatoe soup at Ikea, a few nuts and raisins.

Sleep...it does a body good.

Oh golly.  I've done it again.  I stayed up til all hours starting and finishing a fantastic book!  (Kiss of a Stranger by Sarah M. Eden...sounds slightly scandalous, I know, but it was clean and cute and perfect) I was so tired today! But I was glad that I got up early enough to do essentrics...LOVE it!
I also felt good about my food choices today, and I didn't gain 49 pounds, and even went down almost 3 pounds from my last weigh-in (which happened to be the day after a binge day).  I do like the daily accountability of weighing in, and think that I'll stick with it. Trial and error...

Today's stats:
W: 138
E: essentrics a/a
B: banana and walnuts
S: banana
L: rice, dal, and an orange
D: spinach, spring mix, canned black beans, corn and tomatoes, banana
S: hummus, banana

Changing things up!

Today we had stake conference and got a new Stake Presidency.  I'm grateful for the men who have served so faithfully, and for our new presidency as well.  Really, I wonder if I could be more blessed.  I've been having an increase in love for others recently, and I could feel so much love there.  Bendiciones!!! (And I saw the good-looking Adam kid there:)

As if Stake Presidency changes weren't enough, I decided to tear my room apart and rearrange it after church.  I got rid of bags and boxes of stuff, and put my three blue bins downstairs (well, actually Beth did that for me:) and then John and Beth did all my big furniture arranging.  I didn't love it at first, but it's growing on me, for sure.

AND, I think I'm going to go back to daily weighing.  It's a good form of accountability for me, and when I'm trying to lose weight if I don't do my weigh ins, I apparently develop a Devil-may-care sort of attitude about how much I eat.  So watch for big numbers from tomorrow's weigh-in, cause I've been packing it away!

Today:
F: good, mostly:)
E: pm yoga (I have my yoga strap, pilates ball, and jump rope readily available in my newly arranged room:)
B/L: fasting for the Hatch family
D: salad mix, spinach, canned tomatoes, beans, half a palta, a few carrots, 2 bananas and lots of graham crackers.

En camino

I did a lot better today about not eating when I wasn't hungry.  I woke up at 9:30 or 10 and had a leisurely morning studying and drinking hot water with lemon.  Elizabeth and I went to the Springville Museum of Art, which fed my soul (both the art, and especially being with her!) and I didn't eat until I got back.  I ate in the front room and savored my food and the sunshine!  I did eat more than I needed to this evening, but it wasn't a binge of the proportions of last night! Estamos en camino.

Today:
F: So much better! :)
B: n/a
L: dal, rice, banana, nuts
D: banana, bread with peanut butter and honey, a few raisins
S: carrots, hummus and chips

Yikes!

I've spent too much time eating and not enough time sleeping.  This week has been bingey since Tuesday, and I don't know if it's just because of the sleep deprivation (10-12 hours of DA this week, but I'm caught up!) or if I'm subconsciously stressing about something.  Pretty sure I've gained a few pounds this week.  Don't know if I should start weighing again, or just start sleeping more!

Today:
F: great until dinner time...ate WAY too much.
B: banana mid-morning
L: salad
S: pretzels and trail mix
D: bananas, dal, aloo gobi, 1 piece of bread with peanut butter and honey, graham crackers.

Avoidance

I've really got to come up with a list of things to do instead of eat when I'm avoiding the inevitable.

Today's stats:
F: felt full this morning, and pretty good after lunch, but after dinner, I kept eating even when I wasn't hungry and that isn't smart or comfortable.
E: pm yoga
B: little bites as I made lunch
L: salad, banana
D: bananas, 3 bowls of homemade pasta sostanza
S: 2 pieces of bread with peanut butter and honey, 2 bananas.

It's time to change directions again.  I feel that I'm going in the right direction as far as what I'm eating most of the time, but not in when and how much in times of stress.  Last night I ate 1/2 a bag of corn chips and a family size tub of hummus by myself.  This evening I replaced the corn chips with almost a quart of carrots and did it again. My poor, distended stomach!
I need to plan so that I have slept enough to stay awake in class without using food as a crutch, need to have a live-foot plan or 7 ready for when I'm stressed and need some relief.
I think that weighing myself has become a crutch in some ways too.  I use it to justify my actions (I can eat a ton without huge consequences weight-wise) or to be condescending to myself: "Oh honey, you can do better."  (Condescending is better than mean, right?)
So, the new plan is to go without weighing for a month.  I weighed myself this morning, but won't be doing it again until March 1st.  I will consume Eat to Live foods but only until I'm not hungry anymore.  Music, movement, meditation, etc. will be my means of self-medicating instead of overeating.  Being in the moment and present will help me avoid mindless eating.
Instead of including how much I weigh as part of my stats, I'll put how my body feels instead.  That's the real measure of success, as this is about health, not weight.

Today's stats:
W:  140.8
F(eel): tired...4 hours of sleep is not enough.  Over-ate in class to compensate.
E: pm yoga
B: 2 bananas
L: salad
D: carrots, hummus, walnuts, raisins, banana