Raw hotdogs and other things I'm willing to sacrifice for my unborn children.

Once upon a time, when I was young, I loved to eat uncooked hotdogs.  Of course, they were fully cooked before packaging, but I didn't think that they needed any additional cooking. I ate them as often as I could.  Until the day that my mother told me (I was probably 12 or 13 at the time) that she'd heard that raw hotdogs can cause miscarriages.  I think I MAY have eaten one raw hotdog in the YEARS since then.  That's how important my future kids are to me.

I sometimes use food for things besides nutrition and satisfaction...when I'm bored, overwhelmed, tired, distracted.  And I've been doing that a lot lately.  But, I'm often willing to do things for other people that I won't do for myself. So this morning's Happy Herbivore post about Herbie kids Talia and Jacob was providentially timely in teaching and reminding me that what I eat does and will affect my kids.

So here's to recommitting to being as plant-based as possible for the good of my children. Let's pray it works (sticking to it for my kids). Because I am happier when I'm fully plant-based and feel awful when I'm not.  And when Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

Today:
S: 5 hours
W: 142.2
E: pm yoga (I think I've mentioned this before, but I've been doing yoga with my school kids every day, and I think it's helping us all.  I even ordered a Tara Stiles yoga video.)
1:50  orange
4:30 a few garden grape tomatoes, a banana, asparagus, a little bit of IP rice and veggie coconut korma.

AND, I resisted the temptation to eat tonight after I got home from the temple!

At it again.

Still having trouble not binging. But I got a LOT of thesis work done today! :)  Need to work on REALLY being committed to being plant-based as much as possible.

Today:
S: 7 hours
W: 139.6
E: yoga with kids
6:30 banana
12:00 spring mix, tomatoes, mushrooms, chili, cilantro, banana, orange
4:00 orange
9:30 banana, chips with salsa and guacamole, cake with Cassie and Beth, 3 corn tortillas with cheese, 2 pieces of bread with peanut butter and honey.

Defining me.

I got a name tag at some sort of professional development a few years ago.  In addition to the name, it had the words "Define yourself" several times.  I loved that idea, and was reminded of it last night as a video I watched had a lady mention her goal to reinvent herself.

I think that every thing that we do (or don't do!) defines us to some extent.  But I also think that it's valuable to be intentional in how we define ourselves.  I just read a blog post by Tara Stiles (I've read her blog off and on, and have one of her books, but am planning to get more into yoga than I have been in the past, as my students this year LOVE and request it!) about tension leading to tense habits.  I am so a stress eater.  And I've noticed that I eat less when I get enough sleep.  (Less tension = less tension habits).  So, here's to being intentional about defining myself through liberating, helping practices (like detoxing exercise, and Eating to Live!), instead of adding tension.

Today:
S: 6 hours
W: 143.8
E: yoga breaths with kids, pm yoga.
3:50 green smoothie...banana, peaches, spinach, water.  Ah.

Binge.

Yikes.  I know that I have a lot going on, and it doesn't help that Beth is falling apart and I don't know what to do to help her or anybody else, but this stress eating is going to be the death of me.  Literally.

Today:
S: About 6
E: n/a
7:30 banana, walnuts and raisins
12:00 spring mix, tomatoes, mushrooms, chili
3:50 two oranges
4:50 3 pieces of bread with palta, bread with peanut butter and honey, bananas
7:30 rice with butter, cake
10:00 chips with cheese.
11:00 frosting

Soul Food.

I had so much time with family and friends today, and it fed my soul.  I also fed my body today, and ate more than I needed, but not so much that I was dying, either.  And all good-for-me too, which made me feel better.

Today:
S: 9.5 hours
W: 140.8
E: pm yoga
6-9pm grazing and a meal...2-3 bananas, pb, grapes, grape tomatoes, beet greens, 2 beets, bowl of black beans with spices.

Hungover.

The majority of the day, I felt sick to my stomach and out of it, because I ate SO MUCH.  I don't ever want to do that to my body again.  I'm trying to make a better effort to live to God's glory. Which means doing things His way instead of mine.  No more binging.

Today:
S: 8
W: 143
E: pm yoga
6:00 vegetarian bowl at gurus (it had a bit of cheese on the top), a few chips and sweet potato fries.

Birthdays and new beginnings.

Today was Mathis' second b-day.  Of course we all had a great time celebrating him, and spending time together.  I adore that boy.  I want him to live up to his potential and be as loved and loving and excited about life and learning as he is right now forever.

I have not been living up to my potential.  Yesterday I had a non-vegan binge and gained almost 7.5 lbs from the day before.  Today I stuck to plant-based, but it was still a binge, and a big one.

Cassie is back and I'm glad.  It's a time of change and transition for her, and for Beth, Amy and I as we go back to school.  I need to change my committment and consistency levels.  From here to November 11th, (my 1.5 year mark for Eat to Live, and 11 weeks from tomorrow) I commit to Eat to Live for real.  Nothing non-plant based, etc.  Vamos a ver como me va.

Today:
S: 5 hours
W: 140.6
E: essentrics a/a
12:00 banana and orange
6:00 banana, rice, dal
7:30 grapes, pineapple (J and J got it so that I could have something, but not have to eat cake!)
9:00 hummus, carrots, 4 peanut butter and honey roll ups.

Desperately seeking energy.

I was actually hungry this morning, which hasn't happened for a while.  So I ate breakfast, which also hasn't happened for a while! :)  In the afternoon, I'm usually not hungry either, but am in need of energy, so I eat.  And when I got home from school today, before my temple shift, boy, did I eat! As I did afterwards as well!

Today:
S: 6 hours
W: 134.2
E: essentrics a/a
8:00 grapes....tummy growling! :)
12:00 spinach, mushrooms, grape tomatoes, cilantro, chili, grapes.  Not really hungry.
4:30 sploosh, green grapes, 2 bananas, a tortilla with peanut butter and honey, 2 pieces of pound cake.  Yep, I ate non-vegan food.  A binge is a binge!
9:20  orange creamy, 2 pieces of Sam's famous pop tarts, and a plum at Bishop's house.
10:30 Denny's binge.  Nachos (meatless), cheese sticks, a few fries with ranch, and apple crumble with ice cream.

I can eat anything I want!

Last night I had a dream that I ate meat.  Steak, I think it was. (The food, not the person).  And then I said "Now I can eat anything I want!"  The truth is, I have always been able to eat anything I want.  But I would rather Eat to Live and feel good than eat the SAD diet and feel "normal."  I may or may not eat a small amount of meat on occasion, after October 17th.  But I will never go back to eating the way I did before I found out about plant-based eating.

Today:
S: 7.5 hours
W: 135
E: am yoga, essentrics a/a
12:00 lettuce, fiesta mix, grapes, and an orange
4:10 orange

1st day of school!

Today was the first day back at school.  Wow!  I'd forgotten how much these kiddos wear one out!  I love them already, though, and took to bossing people around again like I do it for a living.
Oh wait, I do.

One of their first homework assignments is to bring a paper bag of things about themselves to aid in a presentation to their classmates.  I did my presentation today, and included a packet of okra seeds to symbolize my love of gardening, and my plant-based-ness.  I said that I'm "mostly vegetarian/vegan," and explained that I don't eat meat (I do eat fish on purpose, on occasion, and may have unintentionally consumed meat since last October) or dairy (the occasional cinnamon roll or quiche is tempting) very often.  I feel like I'm doing pretty well with the at least 90% goal.  And the last few weeks, I've done great on being all plant-based (with the exception of honey and cornbread that probably had milk and eggs in it).

On another note, I appreciate how JA doesn't seem to mind my being plant-based at all.  And I wish he'd call.  The end.

Today:
S: 7 hours
W: 137.2
E: essentrics L/B
12:00 grapes...maybe a little growly?
2:00 spinach with fiesta mix...growly, and needing some energy NOW!
4:20 orange and banana...not feeling particularly hungry, but in need of some energy.

Motivation

Don't have much.  Sleeping 10 hours last night, then going back to bed after scripture study helped me feel somewhat better, but I'm still not at the top of my health game. And I have tons to do in my classroom and for my thesis, and can't want to.  Gotta do it anyway!

In other news, my dear friend, Elizabeth left today.  And Bethany leaves tomorrow.  How I love those girls!!! I've become better by knowing them.  As E said today, there are lots of good people that she knows in every place, but it was intentional that we got to know each other and serve together.  So blessed.

Today:
S: 10 plus hours
W: 138.2
E: essentrics a/a
1:20 banana, DELICIOUS, fresh, real TOMATO!, piece of bread with pb and honey.
3:30 cherry tomatoes, spinach, can of chili, banana, spiced peaches.
9:30 chai, few bites of fiesta mix, and a grape (during tomorrow's lunch preparation).

Recovering.

I had a food binge last night. I was combatting cansansia, and should have just gone to bed!  Today, Bishop Nelson talked about how through the Atonement of Christ, we can recover from any circumstance.  I also felt today the importance of obedience.  I am SO grateful that even when I choose not to obey the commandment to take care of my body, I can recover and change.  I did much better today.

Today:
S: 6 hours
W: 140.8
E: pm yoga
12:00 strawberries, bananas, grapes and peaches
4:30 grapes, banana, a few yellow cherry tomatoes.

Compensating.

I ate more than I needed to today, because I hadn't had enough sleep.  I often over eat when I'm sleep-deprived...guess my body is craving that extra energy.   Such a beautiful day, though.

Today:
S: 3 hours
W: 136.4
E: dancing at the hoe down! :)
8:00 banana
12:00 banana
3:00 spinach, tomato, chili,
5:30 banana, 2 pieces of bread with pb and honey
7:00 5 pieces of delicious corn bread...carbs are my weakness!
10:30 3 pieces of bread with pb and honey, banana, can of chili.

Sleep deprived, but still going!

I really need more sleep at night!  More sleep = less stress.  Great hike with John today.  I sure like that boy. And I stayed up late talking to Beth, and making sure SHE got some sleep before doing a double shift at the temple, by changing her laundry.

Today:
S: 5 hours
W: 136.8
E: hike with John,
8 am cinnamon raisin bagel
12:00 2 baked potatoes, spinach with craisins (got most of the cheese off, I think), olives, and sliced peppers.
3:30 banana, walnuts and raisins, can of chili
7:00 mandarin oranges, blueberry bagel

Way prepared.

I feel like whenever I'm sort of wavering about whether to fudge a little bit and eat some dairy, the way opens up for me to have a fairly easy ETL choice.  Tonight, for example, we went to Red Robin for our annual Back to School night after-party.  I was thinking about getting a boca burger with cheese and fries.  But then at the last minute, I saw a hummus plate, and went that route.  Fries and cheese every once in a while won't kill me, but I wasn't even really hungry, and I was grateful for something that fit more into my way of eating.

Today:
S: 4 hours
E: pm yoga
7:00 banana
12:00 2 oranges
3:20 banana and peanut butter
8:30  hummus with jicima, carrots, cucumbers, some sort of pita-ish bread that probably had butter and cheese on it, and grilled zuchinni (pretty sure it had meat juices on it)

Put on your shiney!

Today was great...super long, but so good.  My conference talk today was by Sister Dalton.  It was WONDERFUL.  One of the ways that I put on my shiney is by trying to be closer to the Spirit.  And taking care of my body definitely helps with that!  Did MUCH better today.

Today:
S: 4?
W: 138.4
E: essentrics l/b
1:00 banana
5:50 squash and zuchinni, banana

Living by bread alone...almost.

I ate SO many carbs today.  Nothing against them, love bread, but it was too much.  Delicious while it lasted.  Happy to go back to more greens and less wheat tomorrow!

Today:
S: 6
E: pm yoga
W: 134.8
8 cinnamon/raisin bagel
10 cashews
12 salad with berries and candied walnuts, 2 pieces of bread
6 zupa's Tuscan bean soup, pineapple, banana and piece of bread at home
10:30 carrots with hummus, rest of Sister Nelson's delicious bread with honey

Guidance and Strength

Yesterday, while at home, Father gave me a priesthood blessing in preparation for this upcoming school year.  It's gonna be nuts.  I fasted and prayed to know how to do all that I have going on (school year starting, thesis to write, church calling, NRMERA conference), and in my blessing was promised guidance and strength to do all that I need to.  It was perfect, and definitely an answer to prayer.

Yesterday in primary, I learned that the theme of the month is doing things that invite the Spirit.
So I'm choosing to do those things that invite the Spirit, which gives me that guidance and strength.  Yay for the gospel and hooray for progress!!

Today:
S: 7 hours
W: 136.4
E: essentrics a/a
9:20 banana and walnuts
10:20 apple
10:45 banana and walnuts
7:00 banana, 2 cobs of corn, squash and zuchinni with salt and pepper,

Intention.

I think intentions count a lot. I unintentionally may have eaten meat today. I was almost done with my salad when I saw a little bit of meat in with my beans, and immediately stopped eating it.  However, I may have ingested some. In the past months of meatlessness, I have eaten things with animal fat...potatoes fried in some sort of grease and curry that had had meat cooked in it, but haven't eaten actual chunks of meat, besides my sushi days.  I don't know if I actually did today or not, but I didn't TRY to, if I did.  And that counts for SOMETHING, right?!

Today:
S: 6.5
W: 135 (according to M and F's scale)
E: pm yoga
1:00 squash and zuchinni (cooked with butter?), salad with the nonmeatless beans, carrots, several rolls with honey, a couple of pieces of vegan banana cake.
11:00 pm banana

Faithfulness.

I did a lot better about not over-eating today.  We are blessed according to our faithfulness, but so many times I think that we are blessed above and beyond our faithfulness, too!  I wasn't too good about being faithful to my birthday bylaws yesterday, but I was still blessed to not supersede my weight maintenance goal.  There are so many things that I need and want to do better, but I feel like I'm making progress!  And, as Elder Andersen said in today's GC talk, improvement is a process: "Our journey of discipleship is not a dash around the track, nor is it fully comparable to a lengthy marathon.  In truth, it is a lifelong migration toward a more celestial world."  I'm migrating toward greater faithfulness! :)

Today:
W: 138.8
S: 6 hours
E: essentrics l/b
11:00 banana
1:30 cob of corn, orange
3:30 spinach, lettuce, tomatoes, palta, can of black beans with garlic and onion powder, 2 bananas

Today...

Had a great day-ish.  Started with a headache, which after deciding to sleep it off instead of going to graduation or working.  Ate soo much to try to combat cansansia.  Hope I feel better tomorrow.

Today:
W: 136
S: 8 plus
E: n/a
9 banana and orange
10:30 4 bananas and some walnuts
12:00 veggies, rice, curry, spring roll, peanut sauce
3:00 berry and soy milk ice cream at Sub Zero
4:30 four bananas and a spoonful of peanut butter.
5:30 big salad and a tortilla at Milagros with Jennifer.
9:00 nuts and raisins.
10:00 banana and popcorn.

March right to it! (and BR catchup)

I went with Beth, Elizabeth and Bethany (feel like I should have a B E T H somewhere in my name now...how about JoBeth? or Bethanna? Bet-hanna?) to Bishop Nelson's father's funeral today.  It was so inspiring! I never met him, but learned so much about him from the thoughts that were shared.  Of course, Bishop's talk was my favorite.  (How can I be so blessed?  I have learned so much from Bishop Nelson, am so blessed to know and serve with him, and to love him and be loved by him.  The gospel is the most beautiful thing...it teaches us how to love our brothers and sisters).  But all of the talks and tributes were great, and Glen Nelson's bishop shared a thought that I loved and needed to hear:

"When he had a task to do, he marched right to it and got it done."

I haven't been that way with many things, including my thesis.  But I've been feeling the need to improve and be better, to make changes instead of excuses.  So right now, when I've got a little time before I go to the temple, I'm going to do some things that need doing...blog and journal catch-up!  So I'll include today's stats, and then write up the days that I didn't blog about, but wrote about while I was in Idaho at the Boone Reunion.

Today:

S: 9 hours (went to bed early and still needed more sleep, apparently)

W: 137/136.4

E: essentrics a/a

9:15 am Ate a cob of Susie's delicious corn, and an orange.  Wasn't super hungry, but was getting there.  Loved having that satisfied, but not to full feeling even afterwards.

1:20  banana, spring mix and spinach with a Susie tomato, chili, and a palta.  SO delicious.  A tiny bit on the full side after finishing, but just about right.  

CATCH UP:

7/30/12

W: 142.2 

S: 5.5

E: essentrics a/a

11:30 cantaloupe, pineapple, tomatoes, chips, salsa, guacamole

4:00 banana, walnuts

8:00 spring mix, beans, banana

Crazy day, but I ate well--not really getting hungry, but I ate @ Missy's, ate in the pm, and ate to combat a headache.

7/31/12

S: 8 hours

E: essentrics l/b

8:30 tortilla, potatoes, salsa...not really hungry.

2:15 2 bananas, walnuts, orange...sort of growly.

5:00 watermelon, cantaloupe, tomatoes...not really hungry.

So I've decided that I don't ever get really hungry on ETL-either that or I never wait long enough to really know!  Uncle Brent said "That's a low fat burrito!" to my breakfast this morning.  Uncle George said "Vegetarian today?" and I said "Yes." Some people have noticed, but no one has been negative.  

8/1/12

S: 9.5 hours

E: 2 hour hike, essentrics a/a

9:00 pancake, melon, potatoes, and ketchup

12:00 orange, banana, 3 granola bars

4:00 roll, pb, 2 bananas

5:00 green beans, salad, watermelon

6:00 trail mix

8:30 roll with pb, honey

Today was a binge day.  I ate when I wasn't hungry (not even remotely so) and when it wasn't mealtime.  If I give in to one thing (granola bars) I keep giving in.

On the plus side, tomorrow is a new day, and I exercised a lot!

8/2/12

A little better.

E: essentrics l/b

9 canned pears

12:30 banana, orange

5:00 greens, peppers, carrots, black beans, corn, Italian tomatoes, apple with pb, 2 rolls with pb and honey.

Once I say yes to something non-ETL, it's hard to say no, or hard to stop saying yes.  So I ate pb, but I didn't eat nearly as much overall as I did yesterday.  I wastn' going to do essentrics today, but when I did this evening, it felt SO good.  It just feels good to do.

8/3/12

E: meal prep/baby bouncing!

9:30 or 10 fruit soup....not really hungry, but not too full.

6 ish corn chips, lettuce, salsa, mixture of canned beans, tomatoes, etc.

Didn't ever get hungry, and I didn't exercise today, but I didn't eat nearly as much either!  Ind I sure didn't eat donuts and milk!  Bendiciones!

Simple

I remember a conversation with the Vargas on the mission.  We were talking about potential and who we are.  She said that her friend (Amy?) was good at organizing and planning, and would do great in business or something like that.  I said something about feeling like I have the potential to be that kind of person, but that I choose to be...and she said "You're simple," and said that I choose to be that way. It was true then, and it's true now.  I don't need or even want so many of the things that are viewed as necessary in my society.

I think that several things are contributing to my re-committing to simplification (I like minimalism as an idea, but there are "things" that I like too, and that bring me and others joy, so I don't know if I'll ever be on the minimalist bandwagon so much that I eschew all societal things...I'm a big music fan, big arts fan, big dressing up and reading fan, etc....but I do like simple.) I've long thought that I don't want gifts for my wedding. If people feel like giving, I would rather have $ to contribute to Rising Star, or to travel with.  Lunch with some of my grad school friends today and hearing about C.A.'s experiences in India made me realize (again!) that I have SO MUCH more than I need, or even want.  Also, J.A. is an influence, I think.  I can't decide what to think about the situation, but I don't need to know right now.  I like that he likes simple, though.  And lots of other things about him.  We're similar in a lot of ways.

Simplifying isn't always easy.  For example, this post couldn't really be considered simple.  It takes time sometimes to decide what you think is dispensable at any given point in your life.  But it also gives time and the ability to notice (it's SOOOO this way with simple food preparation and consumption, too!).  For example, today I noticed and reveled in the beautiful rose that the Snows brought me for my birthday, and the wood in the kitchen cupboards is lovely.  Simple is best. And real.

I have some "birthday bylaws" that I've been thinking about and want to record in a more organized way (I have some ideas written down), and that will help me simplify and focus, I think.  Maybe I'll share them here too (as well as in my journal) when they're more coherent.

Today:
W: 138.8 (I can't get away from progress...blessed to not have gone backwards as far as I'd thought)
S: 6 hours
E: essentrics l/b
12:00 butternut coconut soup at Enliten with my grad school girls.  Wasn't hungry because of last night's binge, but the soup was good, and I didn't feel overly full.

Birthday blessings!

Great day!  LOVE my friends and family and feel so blessed!  31 and loving life! :)

Today:
W: 134.8!  Was sure I would gain from yesterday. It pays to Eat to Live for real!
S: about 6 hours...woke up an hour before my alarm.
E: essentrics a/a
9:00 banana and orange
11:30 spring mix, palta, tomatoes, 2 pieces of bread
5:00 banana
5:30 Indian food...rice, dal, veggie coconut korma, aloo gobi
1:20 more rice, dal, and roti
1:40 3 tortillas with peanut butter and honey
3:40  chili, banana

Joy!

Today was full of blessings...I got to sleep in, I did a second interview with one of my thesis study participants, I got to talk about God a little bit with a CA man who was getting his tires changed at Walmart at the same time that I was.  The talent show went smoothly, DDD was awesome, as was the chat with Caitlin afterwards.  And JA has her stamp of approval too! :)  One of the best things was that I accessed my class list today...I LOVE being a teacher, and in spite of the drama, and potential tension within the team, I'm excited for my list of 21 5th graders...4 or 5 of them I know, having had older siblings, or knowing their parents because they work at the school.

Today:
W: 135.2
E: pm yoga
9:00 orange
11:30 banana, apple
5:00 greens, fiesta mix, banana

Do your best!

Several of the testimonies today mentioned doing your best...that's been something that I've been thinking about today...how I haven't been doing my best on my thesis, on my diet, schedule, teaching, etc.  If I have to do something, I might as well do it well!  So I'm singing the "Do your best!" song in my head on repeat right now, and I'm going to do my best to do my best tomorrow!!

Today:

W: 141

E: n/a

Didn't eat...fasting, and not hungry either.  We'll see how long it takes me to get hungry tomorrow! :)  

Excited for a new day, and so blessed by tender mercies today!

Home.

I'm back in the "real" world.  My week of family reunioning in Idaho was LOVELY.  And I did write about what I ate each day, and my exercise, but I won't copy it all down tonight, but here's today's run down:

Today:
W: ?
E: pm yoga
8:30 am Two tortillas with hashbrowns and ketchup.  Wasn't hungry...do I ever REALLY get hungry on ETL?  I don't think so!
1:00 Wendy's berry almond salad and a baked potato.  I'd ordered a taco salad at Carl's Jr., but they messed up my order and it just looked greasy and gross (and it had MEAT on it!) so I went next door and got what I really wanted!
5:00 5 bean burritos from Taco Bell.  Wasn't hungry, but ate them to stay awake.  I think I'm done with refined carbs.  7 tortillas in one day was not a good idea.
9:00 soy milk ice cream with vanilla flavoring, peaches and cashews at Sub Zero.

I've been reading about the TA method, but still feel that if I stick to ETL, only eating when I'm hungry, do essentrics, and become a runner again, I'll reach my goals!  I'll keep trying!