Ballerunner!

Beth and I had a fantastic day today.  Slept in until 8, got ready, and went to the temple together.  That is a miracle right there:  We have so many temples, and more and more are being built.  It is such a haven of peace and rest, light, and revelation.  I LOVE to see the temple!  On the way there we (meaning mostly Beth.  She's the clever one)  coined a new phrase "Ballerunner," because I was talking about the five finger running shoes, and told Beth that some people call them toe shoes, and that I always wanted to be a ballerina!  So we decided that I get to be a ballerunner instead. :) After going to the temple we ate Cafe Rio (hooray for asking for what you want!) and then we went to a new-to-us running store, 26.2, where I bought new Vibram Five-finger Sprint shoes.  I AM IN LOVE!
After we came home I got sucked into organizing my room, and getting rid of things, and didn't make time to do essentrics or go on a longish run.  But I DID go for a mile and a quarter in the new shoes (I'll have to name them, of course.  Pooja and Priya have been there for me for a while now, and I need to name my new Vibrams too!)  Can I just say that the people behind these things were seriously inspired?  You get all the benefits of barefoot running (light, energetic, close to the earth) with none of the down-sides (no scuffed toes, or rock-induced blood blisters with these babies!).  I didn't get the warmest kind, and a few of my toes were slightly chilled, but nothing serious.  I love that people are always trying to make things better.  I think it comes from our divine nature...we are always meant to be more than we are right now.
I'm excited for this new year.  I want to be leaner, stronger, and faster.  I want to be closer to God, and more loving towards others.  And if it just so happens that I meet Prince Charming and get married, so be it!  :) Yay for 2012!
Other miracles:  Got a letter from BYU.  Yes, I have another scholarship.  That means that I only have to pay $620 for tuition, instead of $1440.  Bendiciones!!! Tender Mercies!!! Miracles.
With Mandy giving me her gorgeous bike, (I did give her $10 for it, but she wouldn't take any more!) when I take my Walmart bike back on Monday, I'll have a bike and Vibrams for the cost of my Walmart bike.   Who just gets to do that?

Today's stats:
W: 140.4 (I'll be using a new scale starting tomorrow)
E: 1.25 miles in 12-13 minutes...yes I'm slow, but I was out and moving!!, yoga
B: n/a
L: Cafe Rio:  cilantro lime rice, black beans, lettuce, cilantro, pico de gallo, and guacamole, delish!
S: bananas (probably ate 3 today) and peanut butter

The journey of a thousand miles...begins with one pedal?

Today I found out that my old beater blew a head gasket.  It would cost $1,000 to fix, and it was only $1,300 to begin with.  I don't have extra money (have to refund the deposit for my roommate who is moving out and pay tuition) so I'm not going to fix it, or buy a new car yet.  Beth and I went to Walmart this afternoon and I bought a bike.

A couple of days ago, my friend Sam posted that he no longer owns a vehicle.  Someone asked him what he's getting, and he said "Exercise and less debt."  I thought at the time that I should do something like that (knowing that my car was having problems, and wanting less debt and more exercise).  Now I get to!

I've had mixed feelings about this...I'm excited to be closer to getting out of debt (I have some on my credit card, and will have to do a short term loan for tuition, and then there's the mortgage), but even though it's been an incredibly mild winter, it is still Utah, and it's still winter.  I'm a creature of comfort, and this is outside my comfort zone!  However, I just need to take it one day at a time.  The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.  My work is only 1.5 miles away, and campus is only 1.5 miles away (in the other direction), so the farthest I'll ever have to ride is on Wednesdays when I'll go from home to school, to home, to campus and back home.  The grocery store is also less than a mile away, and if I have to go to the mall to meet with my committee chair, that's about 2 to 2.5 miles away from school or from home.  I can do this!!

AND, here's a miracle from today:  Mandy has a bike that's been sitting in her garage that she wants to give me!  So I can take the bike I bought today back to the store and use hers.  BENDICIONES!  AND this will help me reach my goal of being leaner and stronger and getting down to my ideal weight by May 8th, which will be the one year anniversary of the first day of my Eat to Live journey.  AND I've been wanting to spend more time outside and do things to help the environment, and this will help me to do both of those things.

On our way back from Mandy's house tonight, Beth rode the bike and I ran...I think we may have discovered a way that we can exercise together that will push both of us...it was great, and I had to run faster than I have for a while. (and I ran barefoot:)  LOVED it!

Today's stats:
W: 141.4 (a bag of chips and 2 containers of hummus will do that to you!)
E: essentrics a/a, walk to Mandy's/run back from Mandy's, pm yoga
B: banana
L: salad: spinach, tomatoes, mushrooms, palta, chili
D: several bananas, 2 spoonfuls of peanut butter

Forever Strong

Per my father's recommendation, I watched the movie Forever Strong today. There were some great things in there that I need to record to remember in the future:

When are you going to first string yourself?

Need to run it out.

It's not about them, it's about you. It's about being the best you can be.

Champions in life

You spend a whole lot of time in the gym. You work your hardest with a complete commitment to do your best. You eat smart, get enough sleep, and you work your tail off and someday, someday you can have a body like mine.

Learning to listen, that takes a lot of discipline---Listen right.

Kia Kaha: Forever Strong

I keep talking about how I'm excited to do essentrics, how I need to run, etc, but I'm not putting things in place to do that. I haven't been doing my best. I haven't been listening to God, or to my body...I've been blocking them out through overexposure to media and lack of consciously tuning in. One of my friends from AZ had a goal this year to recognize and record miracles every day. I want to do that. I renamed my blog accordingly. Here's to a new start, a new day, a day of recognizing and participating in miracles.

Today's stats:

W: 139.4

E: 2 mile jog/walk, pm yoga

B: n/a

L: smoothie and a banana

S: banana

D: 2 packages of hummus and a bag of corn chips

Need more sleep!

So after all that weighing in at home and at Edwards' and hoping that their scale was right...M and F's was closer:) but it's all good. It'll come off as I start exercising again, and quit eating such large portions. One thing I need to work on is getting regular, consistent sleep. Last night I got about 4 hours...not the best. In Lean and Free, Dana says that sometimes when someone is doing everything else right and the pounds aren't coming off, it's because their body is too stressed by the lack of sleep, and that when they start getting enough sleep, the weight just comes off. Need to try that!

Today's stats:

W: 139.4

E: yoga

B: banana

L: spinach, tomatoes, 2 palta, chili, cilantro, 2 clementine oranges

D: Rice and Bindhi Aloo

Sticking up for me!

I'm getting better at knowing what I want and asking for it. Tonight Beth and I went to Denny's for dinner on the way home to Utah from our fabulous Christmas break with family. Did you know that there are maybe three things on that menu that can be remotely construed as Eat to Live worthy? And all of them required adjustments. I ended up getting a veggie burger with salsa and avocado, and a side of veggies. I was impressed with the veggies...some restaurants have just the limp frozen veggies. These were fresh and good. And the burger was one of the best veggie burgers I've had. I have yet to ask someone at a restaurant to try again with my order when they don't get it right (salad without dressing or cheese really shouldn't be that difficult people!), but I'm so glad when people listen! As Beth said, I'm worth it!

Today's stats:

W: 139 (M and F's scale)

E: yoga...so excited to exercise tomorrow!

B: green smoothie

L: ? probably bread, peanut butter and honey. I also ate some plain popcorn and some fruit.

D: banana, veggie burger with lettuce, palta and pico de gallo.

Ready for Reality?

I'm eating more than I need, but still pretty good-for-me foods, and am excited to EXERCISE tomorrow! I brought my essentrics dvd home but lack of schedule, and tight quarters in our little house make it difficult to do. Reality is coming back (or rather Beth and I are returning to reality) tomorrow night...Not sure if I'm ready for the homework part of it. Pretty sure I can't wait for the exercise part of it!

Today's stats:
W: 138 (M and F's scale), 132 according to Edwards'!
E: yoga
B: green smoothie
S: nuts, lots and lots of them
L/D: dal, rice, bread, peanut butter, honey, beets, sweet potatoes, mixed veggies, lots of crackers.

Merry Christmas!

I LOVE Christmas, and especially loved being able to go to church on Christmas day. I think the best part was watching the kids in my family's ward...one of my reasons for trying to be healthier is so that I can be a better Mother when that time comes. I'm praying for help to be able to give the gift of eating to live to my Heavenly Father and my Savior as a demonstration of gratitude for all they have given and give to me.

Today's stats:
W: 137 (M and F's scale)
E: yoga
B: green smoothie
L/D: rolls, peanut butter, dal, brown rice, lettuce, sweet potato, beets, bananas, orange, lots of nuts.

Christmas Gifts to God

For Christmas we sometimes talk about the gifts that we are going to give God instead of the gifts we are receiving. I've been thinking about this for a while, and have some things that I feel I need to give to God this year. As usual, they are things that will bless me in the end...keeping God's commandments always blesses us. Here are my gifts to God for Christmas:

Health: Eat to Live every day, run (going to train for a Marathon), do essentrics 6 days/week, yoga everyday.

Temple: Go at least every week. Focus on covenants.

Charity: Love as Christ does. See, not sort. Look again and love. Choose to think the best of people.

I'll be reporting on my health gifts here, and feel like being more healthy and going to the temple will help me have a greater portion of the Spirit, and be more charitable and Christ-like, which I always need to work on.

I WILL GIVE THESE GIFTS TO GOD AS A DEMONSTRATION OF MY GRATITUDE FOR THE GIFT OF HIS DIVINE SON.

When I mess up (as I know I will), He will help me get up and keep going. BENDICIONES!!!

Today's stats:
W: 140 (M and F's scale)
E: yoga
B: green smoothie and bananas
L: orange, lettuce, tomato, black beans, 3-4 rolls through out the day
D: dal, brown rice, beets, sweet potatoes, green beans, salad (lettuce, sunflower seeds, olives, tomatoes, carrots.)

Strong enough to do without.

In spite of being at home, I ate totally ETL style, with the exception of eating a lot of bread and peanut butter. No added oils, no meat (haven't had that since October 17th, and haven't missed it!) and no sugar. I always feel SOOOOOO much better as soon as I cut those things out. (With the exception of the occassional withdrawal headache).
I've been reading Geneen Roth's Food, Women and God. She talks about food being a drug and how we use it to avoid situations, our pasts, or who we are or aren't to ourselves and others. I also finished Matched (and Crossed) by Ally Condie today. Cassia chooses to not take the tablets that are provided by the Society, because her grandfather has told her that she's strong enough to go without them. I don't use food as a drug as often as I used to, but when I give into what Society says about food, that I deserve to have meat, dairy, etc, or that everyone else is eating sugar so I should too, it dulls me and I binge. I act like my student at school who gives up and shuts down when he thinks he's in trouble: I think that if I eat one cookie or one slice of cheese that I've already ruined my day of eating to live, so I might as well binge big time. I need to be like Ky and Cassia, who realize that they've both made mistakes, and try to make it better instead of letting themselves drown in bad decisions.

Today's stats:
W: 141 (M and F's scale)
E: yoga
B: green smoothie and toast with peanut butter
L and D: beans, bread, peanut butter, agave, bananas

Home at last!

I read a book called Matched this week. It's about a girl in a Totalitarian government who falls in love with someone besides the person the Officials tell her to. The government has power over the people because they control all of the food. Cassia starts to question other things about the government when she realizes that she's doubly matched. It's got me thinking about what I believe without questioning it. I think it's in Forks Over Knives that they talk about how the government has promoted meat and dairy as healthy, when they really aren't. I need to be more critical in my thinking.
I've eaten better today than I did yesterday. I'm thinking again about a year of Eat to Live. Christmas present to HF?

Today's stats:
W: 141.6
E: pm yoga
B: banana
L: salad (spinach, beans, mushrooms, tomatoes) banana, spoonful of peanut butter
D: orange, toast with peanut butter and honey, toast with garlic powder.

Wedding binge

It's never a good idea to begin your eating of the day with a tray of cookies! So most of the cookies were on a tray I was arranging at that point, but I ate many more later, as well. I did have a salad (didn't give in to the meat seduction!) and my body felt so much better having some real, good food in it. I need to figure out how to be as fiel to Eat to Live as I am about not eating chocolate. How?

Today's stats:

W: 141

B: n/a

L: cookies, lettuce with salsa, tomatoes, and olives. LOTS more cookies

S: J's sweet chex mix

D: can of chili.

Confession from yesterday: I ate a piece of carrot cake at the wedding that I forgot to report. :)

Yikes! Need to recommit

How do you decide on something and stick to it? I feel like lately I make a decision and then stick to it...for about 5 minutes, if that! I'm needing some serious help in the stick-with-it department right now. Eating right and I are like repelling magnets right now!

Today's stats:

W: 140.4

E: yoga

B: n/a

L: banana, and LOTS of cheese pizza

D: tomatoes, jalapeno poppers and cheese sticks.

With me it's all or nothin!

I did well until dinner time. Some restaurants just don't listen. No cheese means no cheese. And when I ask for the cheese to be left off, that doesn't mean leave off the tomatoes too! It started with the salad, but I let it escalate from there. Put the dressing on the salad, ate fried mushrooms and zuchinni, then lots of fries with fry sauce. The binge didn't stop at home...I ate cinnamon roll dough and frosting. I'm sure THAT will make me feel better in my dress for my little brother's wedding tomorrow! And it's after 3am and I'm not in bed yet, so sleep deprivation will be a lovely addition to my beauty as well! Ha!

Today's stats:

W: 139.6

E: yoga

B and L: green smoothies

D: salad with cheese and dressing, fried veggies, fries, dough and frosting.

I love Sundays!

Sundays are often days of social eating. We have what we call "munch and mingle" after church, where we go to munch and mingle! The food is rarely ETL approved, so I've learned to mingle without the munching most of the time. I did eat nachos tonight, but only with ETL toppings... no cheese or meat! I do need to work on how much I eat. Whenever corn chips are involved, I eat too much. :)

Today's stats:

W: 138.4

E: yoga

B and L: fasting

D: salad (spinach, tomatoes, palta, chili, mushrooms) and 2 bananas

S: nachos with palta, salsa, refried beans and black beans. Ate too much!!

Any diet that...

Any diet that allows me to eat Indian food twice in one week (or at all, really!) is more than livable...it's lovable. And I often lose on IP days too...gotta love it!

Today's stats:

W: 140 (midnight or later snacks do that!)

E: yoga

B: green smoothie

L/D: aloo gobi and rice

S: tomatoes, carrots and wheat thins

S: 2 bananas with peanut butter (resisted a third).

Feedback

The other day I was thinking about feedback. I think it was Wednesday night during class, and we were talking about how you have to be ready for feedback, or it has to be solicited, or the person's choice before it's ever really accepted. I thought about my body and how it gives me feedback. I feel better when I exercise (lithe, light, free) and when I eat well (strong, healthy, full of potential). I believe that there will be a day of accountability for everything that we choose to do on earth. And I feel like consciously eschewing those things that are bad for my body, and thus make it harder for me to feel the Spirit, is a good thing. I'm not perfect at it, obviously, but I'm going to keep trying.

Today's stats:

W: 138.2

B: herbal tea

L: peanut butter and apples, banana, grapes

S: chili

D: spinach, chili, mushrooms, tomatoes, cilantro, palta, banana

S: banana (none of the cookies I made at John's request...not even a butterscotch acorn! I can do this !!!)

S: can of chili and corn chips.

Another day, another several dollars' worth of bindi aloo

Did pretty well today. Happy in spite of wearing glasses to let my irritated eye have a break. Ok with the fact that I may well flunk my content area literacy class. Got to see A Christmas Carol with a great guy. The play reminds me of how I spent some of the time I should have been spending on homework. It was with people, and they matter most. Todo saldra bien!

Today's stats:

W: 139

E: yoga

B: strawberry green smoothie

L: peach green smoothie

D: rice, bindi aloo, banana

S: banana

on failing

There is a very real chance that I might not be passing one of my classes. D's don't get degrees in grad school, and that's my current grade, not considering the one assignment that I've revamped, or the essay that doesn't look anything like those belonging to my peers, or the assignments that I will be up half the night revamping. I'm hoping and praying for a miracle: that I won't have to retake the class Spring term. But that might be my reality. However, I'm not sad or upset, or even tempted to beat myself up about it, which is a change from how I used to be. I can learn from this and be better next time. And that's how it is with anything, including my diet. The purpose of failure, the purpose of falling is to see how you'll react, to see if you'll turn to God, to see if you'll pick yourself up with His help and just keep going. I did better today than I did yesterday. I'll do better tomorrow than I did today. And if I don't, there's always the day after. Life is about changing and becoming. Todo saldra bien!

Today's stats:

W: 140.4

B: n/a

L: salad-spinach, chili, tomatoes, mushrooms

D: bananas and peanut butter...more than once. 4-5 corn chips with chipotle dressing. More pb and bananas.

always filling, never full

How do you commit to something for life? I'm still full time vegetarian, and I haven't eaten anything non-vegan today, but I binged. It's been a life-long habit...I remember when I was young, my cousin and I once ate so much that we had to sit on the floor, just clutching our distended stomachs and groaning in pain because we were so full. I've used food as a crutch when I'm lonely, or don't want to do something I need to do, or when I need or want to stay up to finish something when what my body really needs is sleep, or when I'm in a social situation and I feel like I have to keep eating because I'm out of things to say, or I feel like I'll somehow be deprived if I don't eat as much, if not more than anybody else. However, when I eat like that, I'm never really satisfied. It doesn't make me feel good emotionally, physically or spiritually. Lately, though, it seems easier to do...stressed with finals, I know, but still!

So, I'm going to pray for help to Eat to Live. I have upon occasion, but it's more often thanking Heavenly Father for helping me find ETL, or asking for help to lose weight. I can't force my body to lose weight, but I can provide the conditions that will lead to optimal health, and thus probably more weight loss. I also wonder if I'm afraid of success...It seems like every time I get to a new low on weight, I have a binge day. I need to quite sabotaging myself, quit trying to get happiness from something that can't bring it. I need to be fit to serve.

Today's stats:

W: 138.8

E: yoga

B and L: green smoothies

D: spinach, salsa, mushrooms, chili beans, banana

S: corn chips, hummus (2 packages), piece of bread with pb and agave/honey, 2 cookies

Day 1:)

of the rest of my life...and of my year of Eat to Live. I've done it enough to know that I can make it work in social situations, and that when I choose to eat in a non-ETL way, it's just that MY CHOICE. So, today I chose/choose to eat to live.

Today's stats:

W: 140

E: yoga, essentrics arms and abs

B: green smoothie

L: green smoothie

D: costa vida salad: tortilla, rice, black beans, lettuce, pico de gallo, and guacamole...Delicious! I also ate a banana when I got home.

recommitting

Last night I binged again (not more than what I wrote about, though). Today in church, a lot of what hit me all seemed to come back to me taking better care of myself physically. I'm happier, closer to God, and more loving to everyone, when I'm being intentional about taking care of my body. I know I feel better when I Eat To Live. I know I feel better when I do essentrics, and when I run or hike, especially outside. So today is a day of deciding again. I will nourish, not punish my body. I will live worthy of the the Spirit by treasuring and nurturing my body. The Relief Society lesson today was on judgment. One of the lines in the lesson talked about the kingdoms that our choices will obtain for us. In the last few days, I have not been making the choices that will help me obtain my goal of a fit-as-I-can-be, ready-for-marriage-and-motherhood sort of body. I thought of maybe doing ETL for a year. I'm having a hard time doing it for more than a couple of weeks at most, but maybe a year commitment would help me begin with the end in mind.

Today's stats:

W: 141.8

E: yoga

B and L: fasting

D: 3 pieces of pizza, 2 molasses cookies with cream cheese frosting. Several sugarplums, ginger snaps, peanut butter ball, cupcake, popcorn.

TOMORROW: A new start! :)

Final binge continued...

Another day of binging...I did pretty well for the first part, but then let popcorn and pizza do me in.

Today's stats:

W: 141.8

B: fruit

L: n/a

D: green smoothie

S: lots of sugary, buttery popcorn, and veggie pizza.

Binge

Tonight I ate like I was starving...food I didn't want and was not under any social pressure to eat. I used to stress eat a lot, but haven't as much with ETL. Tonight I gave in though, and binged hardcore. I don't feel better. I don't think it gave me any advantage in staying awake for homework. I can't do it anymore. Just because I can doesn't mean I should.

Today's stats:

W: 137.2

B: green smoothie

L: green smoothie + chips and salsa at PLCs

D: HH's molasses cookies, cream cheese frosting, chips, salsa, and hummus, and a big salad.

The stars have aligned...

Or I'm just incredibly blessed. SO BLESSED. Today was amazing. School wasn't the best ever, because I was stressed about getting things ready for my meeting with my grad committee, but I still loved and helped my kids, and they still love me. My meeting was GREAT! And my committee believes in me. For real. And then after some b-day chatting with my dad, a quick visit with my friend Natalie, and a phone conversation with a soon-to-be blind date (I knew before looking who it was when both Nat and the boy called), Beth and I went to the library and checked out the 38 books that I will be spending my weekend reading and writing about. I just finished the first one. And yes, it was about some of my favorite things lately...academic learning, romance, and eating a plant-based diet. It also had some good lines in it. LOVELY when the thing that you have to do is the thing that you want to do. The only things that could have made today better are more exercise time, and a good, meant-to-be kiss of my own:)

Today's stats:

W: 138.6 (last night's binge was probably a big part of today's shorter patience with my kids, t00)

E: yoga

B: green smoothie

L: green smoothie

D: brown rice, dal, 5 vegan, sugar free molasses cookies (HH recipe)

Grad school barbie...

So this might seem totally unrelated to food (until you think about the fact that I have a million projects due in the next week, and then take a peek at the amount and kinds of food I ate today!) but I had to share: http://ceejandem.blogspot.com/2010/02/graduate-school-barbie-tm.html

Today's stats:

W: 135.2 (pretty sure I've gained at least a couple of pounds today...)

E: yoga, essentrics a/a, no cardio

B: green smoothie

L: brown rice, dal, apple slices, peanut butter

D: green smoothie, fruit and nut trail mix, wheat thins

S: chips, salsa, hummus and lots of it, two bananas, and I think I had more PB somewhere in there.

On a positive note, I did NOT eat the cream cheese frosting that I was tempted to...so I still was totally vegan in spite of the crazy amounts and processed nature of my food today.

Your negativity unmasks you.

One of the breaks I take during the day is to check Lindsay Nixon's Happy Herbivore blog. I love it. Not only does she have great, simple, inexpensive Eat-to-Live-friendly recipes, but she's witty and smart. Today I read a post on HH from a while back, about dealing with negativity towards veganism. My favorite part of the whole thing was where Lindsay talked about how our negativity reveals our own fears, jealousies, insecurities, etc.

This blog is primarily about eating right and nurturing my body into a better state of health. However, I think that our spiritual/emotional and physical selves are very closely tied, and if one is suffering, it affects the others.

I'm 30 and in my LDS culture that's pretty old to be unmarried. I've always wanted to get married and have a family. So the fact that my 26 year old brother and his wife are expecting their second baby; my 24 year old brother and his wife of 2 months are expecting a baby; and my 22 year old brother is getting married this month is kind of hard to swallow. I'm happy for their happiness, and I'm happy in my own life/skin, but when they don't show that they value or respect me or my opinion/schedule/life, it's tough. And I give into negativity. I'm trying to identify what it is that I'm lacking confidence in. Maybe it's because when they get to get married and I don't, I begin to think that there is something wrong with me, that I'm not good enough, or that because I'm not perfectly happy with the idea that they're getting married and having babies, and I'm not, I'm not earning my right to get married in the future! I don't know. But I think that in some ways I am better qualified to be married (I have a degree, and a job, and a house...none of them have any of those...the 22 year old might have an associate's, and the 24 year old works with my dad) and I let that make me bitter sometimes.

HOWEVER, one of the bright spots in my life right now is my health. I have yet to get really sick this year. I'm at my lowest weight since probably June 1999. And I have energy to do what I need to do. I love knowing that I know what to do to truly nurture and nourish my body (Eat to Live, cardio, essentrics), and that I'm doing it. It feels good spiritually, emotionally, and physically. And it gives me hope that I can overcome negativity and obstacles in other areas of my life because it's been such a long journey to discovering what works best for me in the health arena, but it's working, and I feel SO BLESSED.

Today's stats:

W: 135.2

E: yoga, L/B essentrics, 20 minutes of running in place

B: strawberry green smoothie

L: peach green smoothie

D: brown rice and chola

S: banana and spoonful of peanut butter

Sharing the love!

Today after school, one of my co-workers asked me "What are you doing to get so skinny?" She said that I'm looking really skinny and that she has about 20 pounds that she needs to lose. (I forgot that last Wednesday my friend Katie said that I'm really skinny too.) My co-worker said she has tried everything (high protein, HCG, etc.) and can lose, but then gains it all back, plus some, as soon as she goes off the diet. I told her that I basically eat fruit, veggies, and grain, and that I have a book called Eat to Live, and an extra copy that I bought specifically to share with people when they ask about it! I don't want to push my way of life on others, but I do want to be willing and ready to share if/when they want to know. I told her that I don't eat meat or dairy, and she seemed a little shocked...I said that I'd been leery at first, that it seemed too strict, but that when I tried it, I loved it. I also said that I got into it not just for the weight loss (she said that she needed to lose a lot...20 lbs, and I told her that I've lost about 25 lbs since April) but for the health side of it, that I have a history of diabetes and cancer in my family and that this diet reverses diabetes and prevents cancer. I'm excited to take her my extra copy tomorrow!!

Today's stats:

W: 136.6

E: yoga, essentrics a/a, 20 minute jog in place

B: green smoothie (strawberries, banana, spinach, agave, soy milk and spices)

L: green smoothie (banana, peaches, spinach)

D: 2 bananas, brown rice, and HH's Chola (3rd official recipe I've made from HH...after Pumpkin Pie smoothies, and pumpkin muffins...all SUCH good stuff!)

And I wasn't really even tempted to eat the sugar cookies with cream cheese frosting at FHE!

transition time...

I was released from being Relief Society President today. The last two years have been such a learning experience. I'm far from perfect, but I try, and I love. I was also sustained for my new calling, which is an FHE co-chair. I'll be working with Todd, Mallory and Preston to help group leaders. In my setting-apart blessing, Brother Sandberg said something about this time of transition into combining fhe and ward missionary efforts. I had to smile. I've noticed a pattern of being involved in transitions...My first weekend in the MTC was when Elder Ballard gave the Raise the Bar talk. My generation of missionaries was the group to make the transition from presenting memorized charlas to teaching by the Spirit. The bar was raised for MTC teachers and we started using Preach My Gospel at the same time I started teaching there. I was RSP when we changed wards in April, and am now helping with transition with FHE. I like being in transitional times...I feel like I'm making a difference, and it makes me feel like a pioneer.

I'm also making the transition to being a life-long Eat to Live girl. Before we went to Break the Fast, I prayed that I wouldn't eat anything outside of the plan. And I didn't. Friday's backslide does not define what I do from here on out. Just because the transition isn't immediate, doesn't mean I can't keep going forward. As Taylor so eloquently puts it "Today is never to late to be brand new."

Today's stats:

W: 138.8

E: yoga

B and L: fasting

D: roll, carrots and celery, banana and spoonful of peanut butter.

Perspective

My little brother is getting married this month. He's 22 and I'm 30. I'm a little bitter, and sometimes it's hard to be happy about it all the time. I went to my future sister-in-law's bridal shower today, and while it was going on, my car got towed. $200 later I had my car back, but called my mother crying, because I don't understand why things are the way they are. This evening I found out that one of my best high school friends lost her husband. The things I am facing are so inconsequential to what she's given to deal with. I'm praying for her.

On the ETL vein, how hard this seems depends on my perspective. If I view myself as important enough to take care of all the time, even when that means being the odd man out, I can do it. Today I passed up pizza at one bridal shower, and made sure to ask for water so that I wouldn't have to drink the sugary juice, and at the second one, I passed on the goodies too, even though I was handed a plate and had an internal debate for a minute there deciding whether or not to do it. I am important enough to take care of.

Today's stats:

W: 139.2 (I keep typing a 2 instead of a 3...I'll get there!!)

E: yoga, essentrics arms and abs, 20 minutes of run-in-place cardio

B: n/a

L: green smoothie (peaches, banana, spinach)

D: spinach, tomato, palta, mushrooms, chili

Who I am

I started watching movies/shows after midnight, and stopped at a scary point in a show. Needed something comforting, so I went to lds.org and watched a video about the youth and the temple dedication in El Salvador. I bawled. I am not meant to be less than amazing. And part of being amazing is to try again, to be better tomorrow than I am today, to keep going, keep working, keep trying. I didn't Eat to Live today. But I am a daughter of God with a work to do. Part of that is to be as healthy as I can so that I can serve more effectively. So I will do better tomorrow:

Today's stats:

W: 135.8

E: 20 minutes running in place, essentrics L/B, yoga

B: green smoothie

L: funeral potatoes, veggies with dip, roll, grapes, green smoothie

S: corn chips and hummus

D: funeral potatoes, salad with ranch, roll, several cookies

S: corn chips and chili

Just because you can doesn't mean you should!

I learn so much about myself and life and my relationship with God through my job. A few weeks ago one of my students was being an absolute pain. I asked him why he was acting that way, and he said "Because I can!" I told him that he could choose to do anything that he wanted, but that he would have consequences that he didn't like if he continued. Later that day or week, I was doing something silly...watching a waste-of-time movie late at night or something parecida...and I thought of my student and thought "Just because you can doesn't mean that you should." Sometimes I do things like that on purpose, just because I can, and I can picture Heavenly Father thinking that the consequences of that because-I-can choice will not be to my liking!

In the last few days, I've consciously noticed a couple of times where I've known I could, and chosen not to do something because it wasn't something I should do. The other night I was on netflix, and thought about watching a movie, and didn't. And tonight Beth and I went by the grocery store, after going to the temple, to buy spinach for tomorrow. We went by the hummus, and of course bought it and some chips to go with it. It was tempting to eat them when we got home, but neither of us was hungry, and store-bought hummus and corn chips don't really fit into Eat to Live, and I want to do it faithfully until January 6th! So WE DIDN'T EAT IT! Hooray! Just because it's there doesn't mean it HAS to be eaten. Just because you can doesn't mean you should.

Today's stats:

W: 136.2 (lowest I've been since high school probably...with the possible exception of the one time I went on a crash diet for 4 days and was soooo jealous of people eating normal food)

E: yoga, 20 + minutes of Powerstrike kickboxing, essentrics a/a (I woke up at 6:30, after only 4 hours of sleep and WANTED to get out of bed just to do essentrics...LOVE it.

B: green smoothie (strawberries, banana, spinach, soy milk, agave, cinnamon and cloves)

L: green smoothie (peaches, banana, spinach, spices)

D: brown rice and dal

Obsession?

When I'm at home, I worry about what my mom thinks of how I look, what I weigh, etc. My love language is words of affirmation, and if I'm not getting them from her, I feel like a failure.

After my recent trip home for Thanksgiving, (during which I did get affirmation, but when I asked about it), I realized that maybe I'm too obsessed with my weight and size. And I am compared to some people. However, I've been vigilant about tracking how much I weigh for a couple of years now, and I feel like I have a healthier outlook and attitude about my weight since I found Eat to Live. I weigh myself every morning and record it. I try to eat healthily each day. I enjoy my food, and I don't beat myself up about it when I slip up a little (although I am prone to binging once I start eating something less than healthy...a might as well go all the way if you're going down attitude?), and I don't get hungry. I feed and nourish my body. I try to exercise each day and I record that. That's about it. I do get self-concious when I'm around my mom. Other than that, I don't really think about what I weigh until it's time to weigh again. I do view losing weight as a successful thing, but I honestly feel like I'm treating my body the way that it's meant to be treated, and I feel good about that. Is it bad to be obsessed with being good to your body?

Today's stats:

W: 137.2

E: yoga, essentrics Legs and bum, 20 minutes of jogging in place.

B: green smoothie-strawberries, banana, spinach with cinnamon, agave, and soy milk. YUM!

L: green smoothie-peaches, banana, spinach, cinnamon and cloves. The spices make it even more delicious!

D: brown rice and dal