Your negativity unmasks you.

One of the breaks I take during the day is to check Lindsay Nixon's Happy Herbivore blog. I love it. Not only does she have great, simple, inexpensive Eat-to-Live-friendly recipes, but she's witty and smart. Today I read a post on HH from a while back, about dealing with negativity towards veganism. My favorite part of the whole thing was where Lindsay talked about how our negativity reveals our own fears, jealousies, insecurities, etc.

This blog is primarily about eating right and nurturing my body into a better state of health. However, I think that our spiritual/emotional and physical selves are very closely tied, and if one is suffering, it affects the others.

I'm 30 and in my LDS culture that's pretty old to be unmarried. I've always wanted to get married and have a family. So the fact that my 26 year old brother and his wife are expecting their second baby; my 24 year old brother and his wife of 2 months are expecting a baby; and my 22 year old brother is getting married this month is kind of hard to swallow. I'm happy for their happiness, and I'm happy in my own life/skin, but when they don't show that they value or respect me or my opinion/schedule/life, it's tough. And I give into negativity. I'm trying to identify what it is that I'm lacking confidence in. Maybe it's because when they get to get married and I don't, I begin to think that there is something wrong with me, that I'm not good enough, or that because I'm not perfectly happy with the idea that they're getting married and having babies, and I'm not, I'm not earning my right to get married in the future! I don't know. But I think that in some ways I am better qualified to be married (I have a degree, and a job, and a house...none of them have any of those...the 22 year old might have an associate's, and the 24 year old works with my dad) and I let that make me bitter sometimes.

HOWEVER, one of the bright spots in my life right now is my health. I have yet to get really sick this year. I'm at my lowest weight since probably June 1999. And I have energy to do what I need to do. I love knowing that I know what to do to truly nurture and nourish my body (Eat to Live, cardio, essentrics), and that I'm doing it. It feels good spiritually, emotionally, and physically. And it gives me hope that I can overcome negativity and obstacles in other areas of my life because it's been such a long journey to discovering what works best for me in the health arena, but it's working, and I feel SO BLESSED.

Today's stats:

W: 135.2

E: yoga, L/B essentrics, 20 minutes of running in place

B: strawberry green smoothie

L: peach green smoothie

D: brown rice and chola

S: banana and spoonful of peanut butter